


'Cause nothing's going right and everything's a mess

by dreammachine



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because of Reasons, Endgame Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson, Everyone's Around The Same Age, Gigi Hadid (mentioned) - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, Harry Styles (mentioned) - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I decided, I was asking my friend how I should tag this, Like nothing too explicit I guess, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad!Louis, Set in 2010, Trigger Warnings, WIP, What's new tbh, Zayn is gone for Louis, at least i hope so, but that may change in later chapters, endgame zouis, everyone is sad, past Larry relationship, rich kids, sad!zayn, zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-01-26 08:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12553144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreammachine/pseuds/dreammachine
Summary: Zayn has no friends and doesn't talk to anyone unless he REALLY has to. That's no problem, though, because he likes it that way... Unfortunately, Mrs. Smith decides to partner him with this other kid for this stupid health class project.At least it's only for one month, Zayn thinks.... But, of course, he wasn't counting on falling for his partner.(lame summary, I know. Just give it a chance, lmao).





	1. We had a baby

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm here posting my first ever Zouis fic and I can't believe I'm doing this. 
> 
> I've been working on it for quite some time and I'm actually a bit proud of it, so if anyone actually reads this, I'd appreciate if you commented with your thoughts. Even if you hate it, just don't be too harsh. Please. 
> 
> I think it is important I mention this - there are some heavy tags, so please re-read them and be sure (like completely sure) you want to read this. I'm trying to be as vague as possible when it comes to the parts that could be triggering to some, basically because I don't want to trigger myself while writing this fic (lmao), but still. It could still be a little hard for others and I did actually trigger myself while doing some research, sooooooo. 
> 
> I want you all safe, more than I want someone reading this. 
> 
> But If you're completely sure you want to read my fic, then welcome. Hope you like it. :) 
> 
> A big thank you to Grissel, btw. The sweetheart that's been my only reader for, like, two months or something. <3 
> 
> Ttitle from "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne, btw.

Health was Zayn's most hated class. He just hated it, and there were loads of reasons he wasn't interested in talking about. 

But the number one reason was that it was an Obligatory class, so if he wanted to graduate, he needed to pass it. 

Of course, he was starting to wonder if he really needed that High School diploma. He wasn't planning on going to uni or anything, but, on the other side, he did want to make his mum happy and proud - if only for the first (and last) time in his life. 

So, that's basically why he was there, listening to his overexcited professor, Mrs. Smith talking about the famous project she'd been working on for some time and that she was happy to finally announce.

She'd been talking about it since the beginning of term. That it was the first time they'd be working on something like that at that school, how it'd be an amazing experience and blah, blah, blah. He really couldn't care less. 

At least until she said the most dreaded words... 

“You have to work in couples.” 

At that Zayn looked directly at Mrs. Smith. He hated teamwork. He avoided working with other people as much as he could and he couldn't believe this annoying woman was making him work with someone else. 

Not that it was hard for him to find a partner for this project - he could feel Perrie Edwards' blue eyes looking at him from her chair. It was more that he'd rather do things alone. 

“And I've just chosen your partners!” Finished Mrs. Smith. Zayn was sure it was Perrie the one who groaned. 

“Ok, but before I tell you who you're working with,” Mrs. Smith continued. “I'm going to let you know what this project is all about...” 

“As you know, teen pregnancy is becoming a big issue for you, students. And of course, the school wanted to take a stance about it and show you the consequences of unsafe sex, but in a new way. Not with those plays you do every year.” 

Zayn sighed. A project with a partner sounded pretty bad, but at least he didn't have to work on such play. He'd heard quite a bit about it and he'd been dreading it since he started at this school. 

“This time, we're working on a RealCare Baby Project.” 

(“Oh my god!” A girl said at his far left). 

Mrs. Smith smiled and continued. “And you'll be working with someone of a different sex, so it'll be like you're the baby's parents.” 

Zayn was sure Perrie was looking at him again. 

“You have to give the baby a name, you have to take care of it for a month - change its nappies, feed it and those kind of things. You'll, of course, have to communicate with your partner and decide schedules and how you'll keep it alive!” 

“So... Partners!” 

Zayn didn't hear much after that. This project sounded horrible. He didn't want to take care of a doll with some girl. And as he looked around, none of the other boys were that excited either when they were told their partners (Perrie would be working with some blonde kid named Niall). 

“Malik!” 

Zayn turned and looked at Mrs. Smith. It was his turn to know whom he'd be working with. 

“There aren't any more girls for you to work with,” his professor said as she was looking at the class' list. 

“So, can I work alone? I bet there are some single parents out there,” Zayn said, a little excited over another project he'd do on his own. 

“Well yeah, but no.” Mrs. Smith answered and before Zayn could ask what she meant, she said: “I guess you could work with Tomlinson. He didn't come today and he doesn't have a partner either.” 

“Tomlinson?” 

Zayn, of course, knew who Tomlinson was. He was the blue-eyed kid who was always around the music classroom after school. He’d crossed paths with him regularly. 

“Not a problem for you, right?” Mrs. Smith asked and besides the fact that Zayn preferred working alone, he, in fact, didn't have a problem with that decision or the fact that he'd be the father of a doll with another boy, so he just shook his head.

“Perfect. Let Tomlinson know so you can agree on schedules and those things. You'll have to take the baby first though, since he’s not here and the dolls are here.” 

At the end of the class, Zayn got out of the classroom with a baby doll on his arms and a bag with all the doll's clothes and accessories. 

His baby was a girl, so he had to name her, but he decided to let Tomlinson decide how to call the doll. He felt it'd be unfair to not let the other boy decide his temporary daughter's name. 

* 

After his last class (English), Zayn was finally free to go. 

He'd go to the music room, like he was used to, but he supposed he needed to get Tomlinson's number and tell him about the project, so he left the classroom and walked to the school's entrance, looking out for someone who might have it. 

Zayn didn't talk much with his classmates (unless he really had to). He was an observer though, so when he saw Niall Horan, he was sure that was the person he needed. 

He'd seen Horan and Tomlinson talking before, so he probably had the other boy's number AND he was also in his Health class, so he'd know why Zayn needed his friend's digits. 

“Hey!” Zayn said approaching the blonde, blue-eyed boy, who looked surprised at Zayn's presence. 

He had been talking to Perrie, who was his son's “mum.” She looked pretty annoyed at this. 

“Um,” Zayn started. “I need Tomlinson's number and I thought you might have it.” 

Horan looked at Zayn and frowned, then looking at Zayn's hands he realised why he needed it. “Sure. Yeah, let me find it...” 

After Horan read Tomlinson's number out loud and Zayn saved it, the boy with the Irish accent asked: “and how did you name it?” 

Zayn looked at the other boy and then at Perrie, who was still there. “I haven't named her. I'll let Tomlinson do it... Thanks for the number, by the way” And with those words, he left. 

He wasn't up for a chat with the other kid. He actually wanted to go home and find something to do while he was there alone. He was sure his mum would be working, so he had the house to himself. He might as well clean his room, he supposed. 

* 

When Zayn got home, he found that the food was already done. “Greta must've made it,” he thought while making his way to his room, which was already cleaned, he noticed as soon as he crossed the door. 

He shouldn't complain, he thought. He was sure most boys his age would be happy they didn't have to keep their bedrooms clean, but he actually liked doing it. It relaxed him (and he also didn't like other people touching his things, be that Greta or his mum). 

He asked time and time again for Greta to stop going into his room to clean it, but apparently the maid still had explicit orders from his mum. And he was sure he knew why. It had been like this almost all year. It was hard not to know. 

Suddenly a noise disrupted his train of thought. It was the baby. The baby he had to take care of, the baby he had actually forgotten about. 

It was apparently crying, so he looked into its accessories bag and took the milk bottle the doll had come with. He supposed it'd be hungry and, thankfully, he was right. The doll “fell asleep” moments after he stopped “feeding” it.

“This is the weirdest thing I've ever done,” Zayn said out loud to himself, while he took his phone and started composing a new text. 

“Hey, Tomlinson,” he wrote. “It's Zayn Malik and I got your number from one of your mates. We got assigned a new project for Health class and I'm your partner. We need to work on it for a month, I think, so we have to agree on schedules and whatnot.” 

After deciding that it was alright, he sent the message and laid on his bed and fell asleep without really meaning to. 

***** 

Louis had stayed home that day. He hadn't felt well in the morning, so his mum let him do it. It had been a pretty good day so far.

Don't get him wrong, he loved his friends Liam and Niall, but they have been pretty annoying the past few months, so if getting a break meant having to get ill, then he'll take it gladly once in a while. 

Also, he had been able to watch SpongeBob all day and that was a plus. 

SpongeBob always made him feel better. 

“Baby, I prepared you a soup. Come downstairs to eat,” his mum said from the door. Louis looked at her with an annoyed face. Of course she'd forgotten to knock - again. Like she always did. 

He wonders why he keeps reminding her. 

“Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a min,” Louis said and smiled at his mum. He actually appreciated that she had stayed home too to take care of him. 

Louis sighed and decided that he didn't want to make his mum wait, so he got up from bed and took his phone from his bedside table to look at the time. 

But that's the last thing he did. Upon activating his phone, he noticed he had several text messages from his friends, but that wasn't anything strange. Niall and Liam had some kind of oath that they'd look out for Louis at all times. 

What actually caught his attention was that he had also received a text from an unregistered number. He read that one first, of course. 

“LOUIS!” He heard his mum from downstairs. 

“Coming, mum!” 

Who could've written to him, he asked himself as he was opening the text. The first three words he read, answered the question. 

“It's Zayn Malik...” 

“What?” Louis asked out loud. “Why would Malik write to me?” 

That was indeed a novelty. He had known Zayn for some months already, but their only interaction had been glance exchanges at the music classroom's door. 

But, that was about to change, because they, apparently, had a Health project together (and he was 100% sure Mrs. Smith had assigned it to them on purpose). 

“So a project...? What is it about?” He wrote and, after deciding that that was enough, sent the text. Then he went downstairs, he was starving. 

*

After eating and having a nice conversation with his mum, Louis came back to his room and looked at his phone, but Malik hadn't replied, so he decided to listen to some music. 

No more than forty minutes went by when his phone lit up. He had received a new text from an unregistered number. “That must be Zayn,” Louis thought. 

And it had been Zayn, indeed, but it wasn't a text what he had received. It was a picture of some baby. Louis frowned. 

“I don't get it,” he replied and almost immediately, he received an answer. 

“It's a baby doll. We have to take care of it, as if it were our child. For a month.” 

Louis thought that must have been a joke. 

“You're joking, right? You must be,” he wrote and almost a minute later, he received a new text. 

“Do I look like someone who would joke? With you? This is the first time I've talked to you.” 

And yes, Louis conceded. He certainly had a point. 

“Right... So, I guess we had a baby. What shall we do with it first, then...?” 

And this was the weirdest conversation he had ever had. With Zayn Malik, of all people.


	2. Valentina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Second chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for those 2 kudos, btw! 
> 
> And if anyone reads this... Hope you ike it!

Morning again, but Louis had to go to school this time, even though he really didn’t want to.

  
You see, only one day at home makes you get used to it. “It” being getting up late, watching SpongeBob and anything that’s on TV, really; having your mum cook for you, instead of having to eat the disgusting food the school cafeteria supplies.

  
But life was hard, and more often than not, you had to do what didn’t want to. Like going to school.

  
“Louis, hurry up!” his mum called and Louis just groaned, remembering that if he didn’t get up then, he’d be late and he’d probably get detention if he was late to his first period, so he got up and started with his daily routine.

  
One hour later, he was ready; all clean and presentable for one more day in Hell. Louis looked around his room just in case he was forgetting something, but found everything in order, so he took his bag – his favourite bag, his phone and went downstairs. It was time for breakfast.

  
“Hello, sweetie,” said his mum with a big smile. She was drinking coffee and reading the paper, while his sisters ate.

  
“Morning, mum. Girls,” he answered and took a dish. His mum had prepared hotcakes that morning.

  
“So, ready for the big day?” Lottie, one of his sisters, asked. Louis looked at her with a face that showed his confusion.

  
“He’s seeing his baby’s father today. I don’t think he’s ready for that,” Félicité, his other sister added. Louis’ face reddened, his sisters giggled.

  
“I guess you found the time to tell the girls, mum,” he said and his mum laughed. After he had finished texting with Zayn, Louis had told his mother all about the project last night, and when she stopped laughing she said she was looking forward to meeting her grandchild’s father.

  
He really couldn’t believe his family.

  
“I just thought it was funny, love. It’s not that deep,” she said and winked at her daughters, who were still laughing.

  
“I don’t get it,” said a little voice then. Everyone turned at the twins, who had been silent through the whole exchange. “How did you have a baby with Harry?”

  
Louis bit his lip then, but before he could reply, his mother spoke, “it’s just a school project, Daisy. Louis has to take care of a baby doll, not a real baby.”

  
Daisy and Phoebe, who were the youngest of the family, made a surprised face and smiled.

  
“Like Andrea, mum? Like my Andrea?” Asked Phoebe this time, and his mum smiled. Andrea was one of Phoebe’s dolls.

  
“Yeah, just like that,” she said.

  
After that, the easy atmosphere was lost. Of course, he didn’t blame Daisy or Phoebe. They were too young to understand some things, but that subject was still a sore one. His mother, Lottie and Félicité understood though, so after they finished eating breakfast, they all kissed Louis on the cheek, and wished him a good day.

  
*

  
The way to school was calm. He drove while listening to some of his favourite songs and thinking about the day ahead.

  
He had to talk with Zayn about the project and how they were going to work on it. He supposed Malik could go to his house sometimes, or he could go to Zayn’s. He also supposed he’d have to take the doll home sometimes and take care of it by himself.

  
Either way, he wasn’t really that excited about it. A normal project, it wouldn’t matter, but taking care of a baby doll that cried and had to be fed? For a month? He failed to see how it’d be in any way instructive or how it’d prevent teenage pregnancy, but anyway. It had to be done.

  
As soon as he got to school, he turned off the engine and went into the building. He had Latin first (why he’d choose that subject in the first place was a mystery to Louis, because he hated it), so he went to the classroom and found Liam there.

  
“Liam. Hey!” Louis said as he was sitting on his chair. The room was half empty.

  
“Why didn’t you reply to our texts? Niall and I were worried.” And of course, that’d be the way Liam would greet him.

  
“I was sick. And I also was pretty busy talking with Malik. Guess what, we have to work on the Baby Project together. But wait, you probably already knew that, since you’re in that class too,” Louis said in one go. “Why didn’t you tell me?! I know you came yesterday.”

  
“I would have told you if you had replied. You didn’t,” Liam retorted.

  
“You could’ve called me. It’s not like you or Niall ever shy away from calling me, right?” At that, Liam stayed silent and Louis was glad, because it was true. They’d call him or text him all the time, except when they knew he had to be the father of a doll with another boy.

  
“Anyway, who’s your baby mama?” Louis asked and Liam looked at him sideways.

  
“It’s Sophia.” Louis looked at him with a blank expression and Liam just sighed and continued: “you should pay more attention, Lou. Smith, you know? Mrs. Smith’s daughter.”  
“Oh my god, really?” Louis laughed and Liam did too. “She likes you, you know. She probably asked her mum to pair you.”

  
“Nah, I don’t think so.” He said, but Louis noticed his friend was blushing, so he said: “she’s pretty, don’t you think?” And ended the conversation like that.

  
*

  
After class was over, Louis was thanking all the gods that Mr. Gordon didn’t give them homework. He honestly didn’t feel like writing one of his four pages essays. He always did a horrible job with them.

  
Now he had History and he shared that class with Niall too, because it was Obligatory. Niall was smart enough to choose Arts instead of Latin as one of his Electives.

  
When he got to the classroom, he found that Niall was already there with Perrie. Liam had told him they were working together for the Health class project.

  
“Hello, Niall. Perrie, how are you and how is Niall Jr.?” He said before giving the blonde girl a kiss on the cheek, after noticing the doll in Niall’s arms.

  
Niall huffed. “He’s called, what was it… Oh yeah, Sebastian.” Perrie looked at Niall with an offended expression.

  
“Well, at least I did think of a proper name. Your ideas were pathetic to say the least.”

  
Louis laughed at Niall and Perrie barking at each other. It’s not like they didn’t like each other, Louis knew they did, but he also knew Niall was too chill, while Perrie took schoolwork seriously.

  
In that moment, Malik entered the classroom and sat on his chair. He had the baby doll with him and it had pink clothes. It was a girl.

  
“Give me a second, guys,” Louis said and made his way to Zayn’s sitting place. Zayn didn’t notice his presence until he cleared his voice.

  
“So…” Louis started and Zayn looked at him with his big, brown eyes… Or were they kind of green?

  
“So?” Malik asked.

  
“That our daughter?” He asked.

  
Zayn rolled his eyes, “I’d prefer if you called it our project,” he answered and signaled to the chair next to him, letting Louis know he could sit there. Louis did.

  
“Oh god, that’s so impersonal. Why not have fun with the project? I think we’re the only same sex couple of the whole class,” he said and laughed at Zayn’s expression. “Tell me, how did you call her?”

  
Zayn stared for some seconds before answering: “I didn’t.”

  
“Why not?” Louis asked and noticed Zayn was blushing.

  
“I thought you might want to do that,” he said and shrugged.

  
_Cutie_ , Louis thought and said: “well, that was certainly nice of you. But you took me by surprise. I have to make a list now and choose the best name.”

  
Zayn frowned then. “Why make such a big deal? It’s only a doll. Name it and that’s it.”

  
“You don’t get it,” Louis said. “I’ve always wanted to name a child. So this is my moment. I’ll tell you when I have the perfect name. You can also, you know, think of something and maybe we can give her two names, what do you think?”

  
Zayn was overwhelmed. Louis seemed to be pretty excited about this. He actually wasn’t that much, but yeah, he thought. Why not try to have fun if he could.

  
*

  
By the end of the day, Louis had a list of forty names, but he wasn’t sure which one was the best for his daughter, so as soon as he saw Zayn at the school’s entrance, he decided to approach him.

  
“Zayn!” He yelled. The caramel skinned boy turned immediately.

  
“Hey,” he said as soon as Louis was in front of him. Louis smiled.

  
“So… Do you have any idea what we should call her?”

  
“I thought you were going to do that,” Zayn said, frowning. Louis blushed at that.

  
“Well, yeah. I was, but I happen to have around forty names and can’t seem to choose.”

  
Zayn laughed and Louis couldn’t believe the other boy was laughing. He had never seen such thing in all the months they’ve been classmates.

  
“Why do you have to make such a big deal? Just choose a name?”

  
But Louis didn’t listen to him. He had the most brilliant idea just then, so he obviously voiced it.

  
“Why don’t you come to my house and we choose? And also talk about the schedule and whatever?” He asked and Zayn stared at him. “Do you already have plans for today?”

  
“Er,” Zayn started. He was actually surprised Louis would ask him to go to his house. They barely knew each other. He didn’t have anything to do at home, however and they did have to talk about the schedule. Why not do it now that they could? So he just shrugged and nodded.

  
“Great!” Louis said. “Come on. I’ve got my car around there.”

  
*

  
After getting to Louis’ home, he made a bit of pasta (“this is the only thing I can actually cook without burning the whole house down,” Louis said) and they ate in silence.

  
Zayn wasn’t uncomfortable, but he wasn’t completely comfortable either. He hadn’t been in a classmate’s house in a long time – scratch that. He hadn’t been in someone else’s house in a long time, so it was a bit strange for him.

  
When they were done eating (Louis ate two helpings, Zayn only half the one he was given), they started talking about the baby (which Zayn was feeding at the time).

  
“So, how should we call it?” Louis asked, taking out a notebook. Zayn looked at it and noticed he did have loads of names written.

  
“Which are your favourites?” he asked and Louis hummed in thought.

  
“I think I like Sara. But I know like five Sara’s already, so it’s a no,” Louis answered and continued thinking and looking at his list.

  
Zayn read a bit of the list too and said, “I think Emma is a pretty good name, don’t you think?”

  
“Yeah, I know. I chose that one in honour of Emma Watson, of course,” Louis said and Zayn laughed. “But I think someone else chose that name already.”

  
Zayn hummed and they both stayed silent for some minutes. The baby doll had already fallen asleep.

  
“I got it!” Louis screamed. Zayn almost dropped the doll. “I love this ad so much, I don’t know how I didn’t think about it. What do you think of Valentina?”

  
“Valentina?” Zayn tried it and yeah, it sounded good enough, so he shrugged. “I think it’s a pretty name.”

  
“So, Valentina it is,” Louis said smiling.


	3. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> To anyone who might be reading this - I'm sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I've gone through the hardest and most horrible two (?) weeks ever. I don't even know how I'm posting a new chapter, but I don't want this to die, considering all the time I've put into it, so I'll do my best to continue posting/writing. 
> 
> Thank you for the 5 kudos! They're very much appreciated! 
> 
> This one's a little short. Hope you enjoy, though.

Zayn didn’t notice, but Louis’ company wasn’t that bad. He was pretty funny and nice.

They had stayed on Louis’ couch, in his house’s Family Room just talking. Mostly about the Baby Project and how they’d share the work and all that. They had come to a somewhat-agreement. On weekdays, they’d have the doll two days each and on Friday, one of them would keep it until Monday, when they’d swap again.

They also talked about school in general; their favourite subjects and extracurricular activities. For example, Louis really loved Biology and Theatre. Zayn couldn’t imagine the blue-eyed boy being interested in any science, really, but he guessed people sometimes surprised you.

Theatre though, Zayn could see Louis being interested in that and he thought it was cool seeing that they had that in common.

“I used to do theatre at my old school,” Zayn told Louis with a little smile.

Theatre was something that he liked doing from time to time. It wasn’t that he dreamed of becoming some Broadway - or even Hollywood actor, but he did like getting into a character’s mind and situation and getting to know more about another reality.

“And what kind of plays did you act in?” Louis asked, interested.

“Mostly musicals. I generally played small parts. Didn’t have enough confidence to try a big role, but last time I auditioned I got the starring one.”

“That’s so cool! Which musical?”

“Don’t laugh. High School Musical.”

Louis, of course, laughed. Zayn as Troy Bolton was a funny thought. He was good-looking, that much he had noticed, but the character and the boy he had next to him were two worlds apart. Zayn blushed.

“How was it though? The play, I mean. Did you have fun Getting Your Head in The Game?”

Zayn just shrugged and looked at the floor, suddenly wishing they hadn’t brought this topic up.

“Didn’t get to do it in the end,” he said. And just when Louis was about to ask why, Zayn was saved by the bell.

Or actually, the door.

A woman and four girls had just stepped into the room Zayn and Louis were talking in. She set her keys on a table next to the door and smiled at the two boys.

“Lou, baby. Hello,” she said. Louis blushed a little at his mum’s words, but tried to act as if they didn’t embarrass him.

“You must be my son’s new project partner, right?” The woman asked, getting close to the couch they were on. The four girls she was with were staring at Zayn without saying a word.

“Um, yeah,” Zayn replied and smiled a little.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I told Louis last night that I wanted to meet my grandchild’s father, but I didn’t know he’d work on it so fast. This is the first time he’s this efficient,” the woman winked. Zayn didn’t know how to reply to that.

“Oh my god, mum. Could you please stop? It’s just a project, honestly.” Louis was violently blushing, while trying to avoid Zayn’s eyes.

Of course his mum would make one of her jokes. She always did the same whenever he brought a new friend home. It was like a tradition of hers.

“I know, love. Just messing with you. So… What’s your name, honey?”

"Um. It’s Zayn,” the boy replied. He still felt the girls’ eyes on him.

“And are you staying for dinner, Zayn? I think I can have something done in an hour. I work fast.”

But Zayn didn’t hear anything after the word “dinner”?

“Dinner?” He asked and, nervously, looked at the time on his phone. It was past six and he had received at least 20 texts from his mum in the last 10 minutes. He was surprised she hadn’t called already.

“I’m so sorry,” Zayn said. “But I can’t stay. I didn’t really know it was this late. I should really go home.”

“Guess you didn’t tell your parents you’d be here, right?” Louis’ mum asked him and he shook his head. “Don’t worry, dear. You can come back anytime you want. The offer stands.”

After saying goodbye to Louis, his mum and sisters, Zayn left. Louis kept the doll for the night, saying he needed to get used to taking care of it. It was better that way though, because he didn’t feel like walking all the way to his house with all the baby equipment.

Zayn, of course, could’ve called his mum – or even the driver to pick him up. Louis’ house was close to a pretty famous café where he could wait in, but he wanted to walk and prepare for his mum’s scolding.

*

**I** t took him like 30 minutes to get home. Trisha, his mum, had been close to the door the moment he opened it and immediately asked where he had been. He had only texted her an “I’m on my way” the moment he stepped out of Louis’ house.

“I was at a classmate’s house. You know, the guy I was partnered with for the baby project,” Zayn said.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be there? I could’ve picked you up as soon as I was out of my office,” Trisha said. “You have no idea how worried I was the moment I noticed you weren’t home.”

“Mum, I’m not seven.” Zayn said, but immediately regretted it the moment he saw the hurt in his mum’s eyes.

“I know you’re not seven, Zayn. I know that very well. But you also know why I worry, don’t you?”

Zayn avoided her eyes, but nodded nonetheless. Trisha sighed.

“Next time at least tell Greta where you’ll be,” she said and left.

Zayn felt like the worst person in the world.

*

“ **H** e’s good looking. You know, that Zayn guy,” Lottie said the moment she stepped into his brother’s room, just after having dinner. Louis rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Louis answered without taking his eyes off his laptop screen. Sometimes Lottie came to his room to make unrequested comments, so this wasn’t anything new to Louis.

“And…?” Lottie asked and Louis couldn’t help but turn to look at her. She had changed her school uniform to some white t-shirt and pink trousers.

“And what?”

“You like him?” She asked.

“Oh my god, Lottie, why would I like him? I barely know him. We’re just working together on a project.”

It was Lottie’s turn to roll her eyes. His brother sometimes could be thick.

“Why wouldn’t you? He’s hot.” Lottie simply said and Louis couldn’t believe his ears. He just chose to ignore her then.

“Honestly, Louis. You’re being ridiculous. I didn’t say you have to marry him, I was only asking if you liked him. Don’t evade my question.”

“No, I don’t,” Louis answered. He was getting angry. He couldn’t remember Lottie being this annoying when he did have a relationship with someone.

“And why not? Is it because you don’t like how he’s like or because of –,” But Louis didn’t let her continue. Of course it had to be about _that._ It was always about it, and after this morning, he should’ve expected it from her.

“Don’t, Charlotte. Just don’t,” he said. “First, I don’t know him that much. I already told you. We’re just doing schoolwork. Second, I don’t even know if he likes boys and I don’t really care if he does. Third, at the moment I’m not interested in being with someone else, so you can drop it.”

Suddenly, the baby started crying and Louis got up from the chair he had been sitting on to see what the doll needed. Lottie hadn’t answered.

“Do you need anything else?” He asked and his sister just said a simple ‘no’ and left. He sighed.

This wasn’t the first time he talked about this, of course. He had discussed it with his mum several times, who was more patient and had more tact than Lottie. But it was the first time the conversation hadn’t been about a hypothetical person and that made him nervous.

Not because of Zayn. It was true what he’d said, he barely knew him. It was actually because… What if it happened?

What would he do then? He didn’t want to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm, why is Trisha so worried about Zayn? What was Lottie going to ask Louis?


	4. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooo... It's been a while, hasn't it. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos. I actually didn't think I'd get 1- let alone 12, so I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and I'm sorry if I'm too slow. I've been going through the most horrible month of my life, but I'm trying... 
> 
> So, anyway. This one's a little longer than last one. Hope you enjoy!

The night was a cold one. It was November, after all, but somehow Louis was sweating and he was sure he wasn’t sick again.

He’d just woken up, but he couldn’t really remember why. He just woke up sweating and looking around his dark bedroom until he laid his eyes on his bedside clock. It was 2:58 am.

His mouth felt sandy.

Suddenly, he heard the reason he was awake; the baby was crying.

“God, is this going to happen every night?” he asked to his empty room. No one answered, of course.

He got up slowly and went to his desk, where he had left the doll and took it to his bed with him. He put it next to him and fed it. He assumed it was hungry, and of course, he’d been right.

The doll made some sounds that showed it was “eating”, but he really didn’t pay any attention to them. He was so tired and it was still so hot in his room. Breathing felt hard, so after putting the doll to sleep; he got up again, opened the window and looked outside.

Someone was out of his house, looking at him. And he knew who that someone was.

“ _Harry_ ,” he said. He looked again, this time his mind feeling more active. But it had been his imagination – no one was there.

*

Almost one hour later, he felt the stupidest person in the world. He had just stopped crying for someone he hadn’t seen in 10 months – and wouldn’t be seeing anymore. He knew time should’ve already healed the pain, but it was still there, even if he chose to ignore it more often than not. That was why his mother and Lottie were so worried, he wasn’t moving on.

He sighed. _I’m truly pathetic_ , he thought while taking his phone and opening a new text message.

“Your daughter just woke me up. I’m starting to regret having her tonight with me,” he wrote and sent the text to Zayn, not really expecting a reply.

He did receive one, though: _“Oh, I forgot to tell you that happened quite often. Guess it’s only fair you should experience it all with no warnings, like I did. Ha.”_

*

It was one of Zayn’s sleepless nights. He was already used to it, even if it had somewhat improved in the last months after moving from Manchester. He just couldn’t sleep.

It wasn’t fear of the nightmares what kept him awake now though. He just couldn’t go to sleep, even if he wanted to, or even if he had to (he’d be going to school in a few hours, after all). He just couldn’t sleep.

He thought it might’ve been his discussion with his mum. Sometimes he acted as if nothing was wrong for her, like it was all getting better – slowly, but certainly better. Then, somehow he’d be back at the beginning. It could be because of some stupid mistake, like last evening, or something important, but it always happened.

He sighed. He wished he could erase these last few months.

Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate against his leg. He’d received a text, from Louis.

“ _Your daughter just woke me up. I’m starting to regret having her tonight with me_ ,” it read. Zayn couldn’t help but laugh. The baby had woken him up last night and he had meant to warn Louis about that, but he totally forgot and he told him just that.

He bet Louis didn’t expect him to reply, but if the other boy was awake, he wouldn’t waste the opportunity of a distraction he rarely got on these kinds of nights.

They both texted each other for about 40 minutes more, before Zayn fell asleep. Louis, followed a little after in his own bed, at his home.

****

The day had been pretty heavy for Louis. He wasn't in his best mood, but he was trying to take it easy, even if he had the most annoying classes on that day.

 

Math, chemistry and physics. In that order. And Valentina had been crying the whole day, so he had to feed her/change her nappies all the time while trying to understand what his professors were trying to explain. 

 

At least he had Health last period, so he'd be able to finally give Zayn the doll. He hadn't seen the other boy that morning, because the only class they shared that day was Health, but he was pretty sure he'd come, Niall told him so. 

 

“At least it is Friday,” said Louis under his breath as soon as he was out of physics. God only knew how much he hated that subject. 

 

“Louis, can we take our time, please?” Niall asked, looking quite nervous. Louis arched his left eyebrow in question. 

 

“Perrie has the doll and we're supposed to swap today. I want to delay it as much as possible,” the blond explained. 

 

“Why would you want to delay swapping the doll?” Liam asked, “in the end you'll have to take it with you anyway.” 

 

“I know. I just don't want to see Perrie and listen to her complain about how much of a lazy father I am!” 

 

“That's not my fault,” Louis said, actually annoyed. “My doll hasn't stopped crying today. It's been hell. I want Zayn to have her. Now.” 

 

Niall, of course, tried to argue, but Louis didn't pay attention. Liam just shrugged; Sophia had the doll at the moment, but the times he's had it, it hasn't been that hard for him. 

 

When they got to the Health classroom, they found Eleanor, one of their classmates, and Perrie talking, both with their baby dolls on their desks. They approached the girls. 

 

“Hello, boys,” said Eleanor with a big smile. Louis liked her a lot, she was nice. 

 

“Hey, El.” Louis kissed her on the cheek and did the same to Perrie, who was eyeing Niall. “How are you both?” 

 

Perrie didn't answer. She started barking at Niall that it was his turn to have the baby. Louis was sure neither of them would have a baby anytime soon after this project was done. 

 

“We're alright, I guess,” Eleanor answered laughing at Perrie's and Niall's exchange. “We were talking about going out, in fact. Celebrating that we're leaving our babies with their fathers.” 

 

That reminded Louis of Zayn, so he started looking around. 

 

“Looking for Malik? He's over there. I think he's asleep,” said Eleanor and that's when Louis noticed. 

 

Zayn did seem to be sleeping and that made Louis feel bad. He had been thinking about giving the doll to the other boy and leaving it at that. He didn't consider that Zayn might be tired as well. He knew the guy had been awake at 3 am last night, after all. 

 

So, Louis decided to wait until Malik was awake again to annoy him. Around 30 minutes later, though, Liam received a text from Sophia that said she and her mother had had a problem with the car and that they wouldn't be able to come. 

 

“Lucky you!” Said Niall. “You won't have to take the doll with you. You're a free man for the weekend.” 

 

“In that case,” Perrie started saying while scowling at Niall. “We should be going, Eleanor. Let's have some girl fun.” 

 

And so they left. Niall looked pretty deflated while taking his doll from Perrie's desk. 

 

“We should go out, too. What do you think?” Liam asked. “Bring Niall's spirits up with pizza and coke.”

 

“That sounds like a plan,” Louis said. “Should we meet at three at Paolo's?” 

 

“At three?” Niall asked. “Why not go right now?” 

 

“I just want to have time to change and rest a little,” Louis replied. “I also have to talk to Zayn over there.” 

 

Liam and Niall turned and easily spotted Zayn, who was still sleeping with his head on his desk. 

 

“Alright, at three then... No problem if I go with you to your place, right Liam?” Niall asked Liam as they were going out of the classroom. 

 

Now Louis and Malik were alone in the classroom, since Sophia had also told some other classmates the change of plans and they’d left minutes before.

 

“Zayn,” Louis lightly tapped Zayn's shoulder. The boy didn't even move. “Zayn, wake up. Everyone's left.” 

 

That seemed to have done the trick, because Zayn immediately woke up and looked everywhere, alarmed. 

 

“What?” He asked, looking pretty confused. 

 

“Sophia texted. She and her mum, you know... Mrs. Smith, had some problems with the car and can't make it. We can leave.” 

 

“Oh god,” Zayn said and sighed. He just then seemed to notice Louis was there. 

 

“What are you doing here, then?” 

 

Louis shrugged, “well, I wasn't going to leave you here by yourself, sleeping. Thought it'd be right to tell you. Also, I have the doll.” 

 

“Right,” Zayn said. “Sorry, I'm just... Confused.” 

 

And Louis thought it was kind of obvious, which made him feel kind of bad. Again. He had actually thought of just leaving Valentina with Zayn without saying much... Because he was tired. 

 

“Hey Zayn,” Louis started saying without thinking much. “My friends and I are going to this really good pizza place at three. Want to come along?” 

 

**** 

 

It took some time, but he could convince Zayn to come with them. 

 

_“Zayn is coming with us. Be nice!!!!”_ Louis texted Niall and Liam while walking next to the other boy, who was holding Valentina. 

 

“I want to go to my house and change. I also have to tell Greta I'll be going out. Is that a problem?” Zayn asked. Louis had been about to ask who Greta was, but decided against it and just shrugged. 

 

“No problem, actually. I wanted to change too though.” 

 

“Oh,” Zayn said. “You could borrow one of my shirts, if you want. Or if you prefer, we can go to your house after mine. I just really need to tell I won't be home.” 

 

Louis thought Zayn might be one of those overprotected kids, so he just agreed. 

 

When they got to Zayn's house, Louis could now understand why the other boy was so protected by his family. He was really wealthy by the looks of his residence. 

 

Most of the kids at his school, including him, were pretty well-off, but this was another level. Zayn didn't comment anything and just lead Louis to his house entrance and then to his (massive) bedroom. He gave Louis a light blue t-shirt and left, saying he could change there, that he'd do it in the loo. 

 

Zayn took his time to come back, so Louis explored a little and found that Zayn had a set of guitars of different colours, both electric and acoustic and some sheets that looked like song lyrics. 

 

He couldn't read though, because that was when Zayn came in. 

 

“Having fun?” Zayn asked and Louis felt hot in the face. He was sure his cheeks were an aggressive shade of red. 

 

“Sorry. I was just looking around. Didn't know that you wrote your own lyrics,” he said. 

 

“Did you read them?” Zayn asked and he looked visibly nervous. 

 

“I didn't, I swear. They just looked like lyrics to me... You know, what with the guitars and all. And I know you take music, so...” 

 

Zayn sighed and smiled a little. 

 

“I do, in fact. I also sing. I just don't do it in front of people that often. I'm not confident enough for that,” he said. 

 

“I get it,” Louis said. “If you ever want some opinions though, you can call me. I'd love to listen to your songs.” 

 

Zayn laughed, “Right. We can leave now, by the way. I've just told Greta and have left my mum a message. I think that's enough.” 

 

So they left. 


	5. Good times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, fifth chapter. 
> 
> THANK YOU once again for all the kudos. I'm still surprised I have readers and that you like my work. 
> 
> This chappie is a little short, but I'll have the sixth one up asap, to compensate this one's shortness. Hope you like it nonetheless! 
> 
> ... 
> 
> In this one, we get to know Liam and Niall a little more. Hope you like their characters, I enjoyed writing them, they're funny guys, in my opinion. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Zayn had never been to this restaurant, but he barely knew London, so that was understandable. 

 

He had been to London before, of course. But for Holidays, or just to be with his parents when they had some business thing over there. The rest of the time he'd been and made his life in Manchester. 

 

“This is Paolo's,” Louis said, apparently reading Zayn's face. “This is the best pizza place around and I can assure you I know most pizza places in London.”  

 

The place had some vintage decoration, with pictures here and there of Italy, motorbikes and old advertisements. What Zayn liked the most is that it didn't have the classic colour decorations for a pizza place (red and green). In this restaurant's case, the chosen colour scheme was light brown, dark brown and pale pink. 

 

“Looks good,” Zayn said eyeing everything. 

 

“And you eat really well here. My friends and I discovered this place like three years ago and haven't stopped coming. And speaking of them… They're over there,” Louis said, signalling the other two boys their location. 

 

Zayn felt a little nervous. Apart from Louis, he had barely talked to anyone at school. He supposed he never really made an effort of making friendships whenever he couldn't avoid a new shared project.

 

Louis was the first one. And Zayn didn't know why, but he wasn't annoyed at Tomlinson for including him in his plans, even if it took some convincing. 

 

The blue-eyed boy was funny and they had to spend a month taking care of their baby doll, so it certainly made it easier to be as friendly as possible. 

 

That didn't mean he wanted to meet his friends, who looked pretty intimidating. 

 

“Hey guys!” Said Niall, smiling big and sitting next to Louis. Liam came right behind, holding a baby doll and its accessories. 

 

“Niall, I swear. Sophia has my doll, so I don't know why I have to put up with yours!” Liam said, sitting next to Zayn. 

 

“I can't believe you have Liam taking care of YOUR doll,” Louis said, laughing a little at Niall. 

 

“Hey, I just asked him to bring it in for me. Nothing else. I'll be the one getting up in the middle of the night because it's crying, so I don't know why he's complaining,” Niall defended himself. 

 

“Because it's your doll!” Liam said. “You have it and take care of it.” 

 

Niall just huffed, but took his baby doll nonetheless, looking like he wanted to throw it out of the window. 

 

Zayn guessed that had been Mrs. Smith's intentions when she planned this project. 

 

The three friends talked a little for some time. Zayn didn't intervene at any moment though, so Liam tried to change that. 

 

“You've been pretty quiet, Zayn,” the brown-eyed boy said. Zayn just shrugged. “How's the project been for you?” 

 

“Um, okay, I guess. Louis and I decided to make some schedule to know who'd have it and when. At the moment it's working,” he said. 

 

“I never asked you,” Niall said them. “Maybe it's because you rarely talk to any - ouch! What is your problem?” 

 

Liam had kicked Niall under the floor.  Louis had started laughing out loud. 

 

“Don't be rude,” Liam scolded Niall and Zayn was sure Niall said _“but it's true”_ under his breath, but he'd been smacked in the head by Liam then. 

 

“It's no problem, Liam. Stop hitting him,” Zayn said then, and Niall and Liam responded at the same time: 

 

_“THANK YOU”_

_“He should learn how to be tactful”_

 

Louis just couldn't stop laughing. He couldn't believe his friends. 

 

In that moment, a waitress came and asked them what they wanted to order, so they asked for a big pizza half cheese, half sausages. 

 

“I can't believe you don't eat sausages,” said Liam after ordering. 

 

“Manners!” Niall yelled, but Liam didn't pay him attention. 

 

“Um, it's because of my religion. I'm Muslim, so I can't eat anything made out of pork.” Zayn explained. 

 

“Oh yeah, I've heard,” Louis said then. “I think Jewish people are the same.” 

 

“I think it's sad, though. You know, having food restrictions,” said Niall. “It's just cool getting to eat everything.”

 

“That's because you're an endless food hole, Niall,” Liam said. “Normal people don't eat that much and even have preferences.” 

 

They all laughed. Zayn couldn't believe he was actually having a pretty good time, but Louis' friends were really nice. Including Louis, of course. 

 

They continued talking while waiting for their order. Niall finally got to ask Zayn what he wanted to know without getting hit by Liam (“why did you move to London in the middle of last term?”) 

 

Zayn explained that his mum had some business over here and he didn't want to leave her alone, so he moved with her, while his sisters stayed back in Manchester with his dad. 

 

“But was it hard or easy for you?” Louis asked, then. 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I mean, if I had to move to another city that'd be really hard for me. I have all my friends here.” 

 

Zayn just shrugged. “It wasn't that hard. And here I get to be with my mum.” 

 

Louis suspected Zayn wasn't telling the whole story, but he let it go. 

 

**** 

 

Hours later, the four boys got out of the pizza place and headed to their cars. Liam and Niall would go together in one car and Louis and Zayn together in another, since Louis had to drop Zayn. 

 

Niall received another smack in the head because he had asked Zayn why he didn't eat that much (only two slices? That's not much!” He'd said). This time it had been from Louis, telling Niall that it was rude to talk about someone else's eating habits. 

 

“I was just wondering. I wasn't trying to be rude to him. And you know it!” 

 

Zayn just laughed a little and said that it wasn't a problem, really. (“I wasn't really hungry. That's all.”) 

 

In the end, they ended up saying their goodbyes and going their own ways. 

 

When Louis dropped Zayn at his amazingly big and beautiful house, he told him that he'd had a good time. 

 

“We should all go out again,” Louis said. “Liam and Niall liked you a lot.” 

 

Zayn just thanked him for the invitation and said that they could plan something for another day and said goodbye, just before going into his house with Valentina in his right arm. 

 

On his way to his own home, Louis noticed that he had been sincere for the first time in a long while. 

 

He had had a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what did you think of Niall and Liam? :) 
> 
> Wait for the sixth chapter before NYE! :D
> 
> Happy holidays, btw<3


	6. I'm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised. Here's chapter 6, before NYE. :) 
> 
> I wanted to post it yesterday, but I was kind of ill. So here I am. 
> 
> This chapter is one of my favourites, so I truly hope you enjoy it.

Two weeks had passed after Zayn's pizza day with Louis and his friends and things were going alright. Or as alright as things could go in Zayn's life, that is. 

 

He was getting used to having Valentina and giving her to Louis every two days so he could do his part of the project, too. 

 

He also had loads of homework from his other subjects, but he was managing. His mum had hired a tutor that would help him study whenever it got too hard. She didn't want him to start getting low marks again, but also didn't want him to stress himself. Especially not after what happened a year ago. 

 

On the other hand, he kept getting invitations to hang out with Louis and his friends. They apparently would see each other after school almost every day - even on weekends, and he'd receive a text from any of them anytime they'd plan something. 

 

It was nice. They were nice. And he'd accept their invitations if something about being with them didn't make him slightly nervous. 

 

OK, it wasn't exactly something about them, but more something about having dreamt of Louis the other day. 

 

It hadn’t been anything extraordinary or horrible, but it made him nervous, so he thought it was understandable that he didn't want to be around him if he could avoid it. 

 

Like, what other thing would YOU do if one night you dreamed of one of your classmates, completely out of the blue? 

 

It made perfect sense to him. 

 

Except that they'd keep inviting him, like hoping he'd someday accept. 

 

“Hey, Zayn!” 

 

And there was Niall. 

 

He and Niall shared one class; arts. And after hanging out at Paolo's that day two weeks ago, he started talking to Zayn on daily basis. He'd even sit next to him and discuss his understanding of the pieces they were working on on those days. 

 

Today though, he apparently had a different idea, because after approaching Zayn, he sat down and immediately started talking. 

 

“So, Louis told me you sing and play the guitar...” Niall said. 

 

Zayn blushed. He hadn't exactly told Louis that he didn't want his friends to know about that, because it really wasn't a secret. But he thought he wouldn't tell them... After all, it wasn't that interesting. Loads of people in the world could sing and play instruments. He wasn't even _that_ good, he thought. 

 

“Are you good? I bet you are. You give me these musician vibes now that I think about it.” 

 

Zayn shrugged, “I don't know. I'm alright, I guess.” 

 

Niall then smiled, “alright works for me.” 

 

And before Zayn could ask him what he meant with that, Niall started speaking again. 

 

“Look, the guys and I play too. We even have a band, you know. We haven't played in a while though and we wanted to invite you to go and hang out with us today,” Niall said. “You know, play a little music and just have fun.” 

 

Zayn was about to say no; make up some excuse and refuse. If being around Louis made him nervous, imagine singing in front of him. 

 

Niall was faster though and seemed to know what would be Zayn's response to his invitation, so he just interrupted him as Zayn was about to speak. 

 

“Before you say no, just think about it,” Niall said, with his big blue eyes looking right at Zayn's honey-coloured ones. “You aren't obligated in any way to sing or play anything, if that makes you uncomfortable. We aren't about to make you do things you don't want to.” 

 

_That's a first_ , Zayn thought. 

 

“We just like you, you know. You're cool. And we think it'd be great to just hang out... So, what do you think?” 

 

He didn't have to think much about it. It was a “No”, of course. He preferred staying home; watching some movies, maybe play some video games. But something about the way Niall was smiling hopefully at him made him reconsider. 

 

So, against his better judgement, he accepted his invitation. 

 

“Great!” Niall said, taking out his sketchbook as their professor walked in the classroom. “After last period, we'll meet outside and discuss where we'll go.” 

 

**** 

 

Zayn started to regret his decision the moment he spotted Louis outside of school. 

 

He, of course, had talked to Louis the last few days. He couldn't exactly avoid him, considering they were the parents of a baby doll. 

 

Still, he didn't want to spend more time with him than was necessary. 

 

His blue eyes, he discovered, were the main reason. As soon as he approached the other boy, Zayn noticed for the first time the exact shade of Louis' blue eyes. Cerulean, like his favourite DSquared jumper. 

 

“Hey,” Louis said, smiling at Zayn. “Niall told me he convinced you to join us today.” 

 

Zayn blushed and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” 

 

“That's cool,” Louis said. “I bet Niall already told you, but we like you.” 

 

Zayn nodded and said, in a very low voice that he liked them, too. Luckily, in that moment Niall and Liam arrived. 

 

“So...” Liam said. “Where are we going?” 

 

That, apparently, was a difficult decision, because they discussed it for at least ten minutes. 

 

Liam said that his house was a no-no, because his father didn't like having teenagers going around and making noise. He was a very serious man. Louis' and Niall's places were available, but couldn't decide which place was better for a little rehearsal and if they chose Louis' house, Niall would have to go and pick up his guitar. 

 

“We used to rehearse at Harry's house, but after -” Niall started explaining to Zayn, but before he could finish (and before Zayn had the time to ask who Harry was), Louis interrupted him. 

 

“So, where to then?” He looked slightly angry. Liam looked hurt and Niall surprised. 

 

“Um,” Zayn started. “We could go to my house, if you want to. I've got a couple guitars there, so you won't have to go and pick up yours, Niall.” 

 

Louis smiled at Zayn and Zayn just looked at the ground. 

 

“Cool, then.” Niall said, still confused, looking at both Louis and Zayn. “What kind of guitars do you have?” 

 

“Um... Acoustic and electric.” 

 

“Great!” 

 

With that conversation, the weird tension diffused and they made their way to Zayn's house in Liam's car (“Liam picked me up this morning, because my car's at the mechanics,” Louis explained). 

 

When they arrived, both Liam and Niall looked in awe at Zayn's house. 

 

“It's so big!” Niall said, his big blue eyes looking around the moment they stepped in. “What do your parents do for a living to afford this house?” 

 

Liam looked pretty curious and he didn't scold Niall for being nosey. Zayn just shrugged. 

 

“My father's a lawyer and a politician. My mum is a fashion designer.” 

 

“That's so cool!” Niall yelled. “So your mother must be Patricia Malik, right? My mum loves her designs, she's got loads of her clothes and shoes!” 

 

Zayn smiled and nodded. He didn't talk much about his parents, but he was really proud of them and their work. 

 

“I bet you’ve met loads of models. I'm so jealous,” Niall said. Zayn and Louis just laughed and Liam scolded him. 

 

“Oh, don't look at me like that, Liam. I bet if Zayn could introduce you to Adriana Lima, you wouldn't -” 

 

“Actually,” Zayn interrupted. “I don't know Adriana Lima or any of the models my mum's worked with.” 

 

“Why?” Niall asked. 

 

“I've seen them, but I don't know them. Not really interested in using my mum just to get to know a few girls who are way older than me.” 

 

Louis said that was really sensible of him and that he didn't know a single guy who would think like that, Liam included. 

 

Zayn blushed again and led the boys to his bedroom. 

 

* 

 

That day Niall didn't have his baby doll (“it's Perrie's turn to have the little beastie”), Liam had his with him though and they laid both Valentina and Liam's doll on Zayn's bed and started talking about music. 

 

“So, let's get into business,” Louis said after having changed Valentina's nappy. “What are we gonna play?” 

 

“I was thinking about some of our own songs. Maybe _Happily_ and _Fireproof_ and then...” 

 

“I don't want to sing _Happily_ ,” Louis said. 

 

“Louis, we talked about this...” Liam continued, but Louis spoke over him. 

 

“If you want to play that song, do it. But I'll leave. I said yes to playing again, but I don't want to listen or sing that song.” 

 

Zayn didn't understand much, but he could feel the tension. Something about that _Happily_ song (and maybe something left unsaid) made Louis angry. He couldn't really give his opinion though, because he didn't know any of their songs.

 

Niall sighed then, “OK, then what about _Fireproof_ , _What a Feeling_ and _Story of My Life_?” 

 

Louis sighed then and nodded. Zayn just looked at them. 

 

“And then maybe we can sing some popular songs. Zayn could join then...” Liam said. 

 

“Er-” Zayn was about to protest, but Niall interrupted him. 

 

“ _If_ you want to, of course,” he said smiling. Zayn just nodded. 

 

* 

 

The boys played for a little while. They weren't that in sync, because they hadn't practiced in a while, but Zayn liked their songs. They were pretty good. 

 

They were going over the changes they have done to the songs, when Louis suggested singing some popular ones. 

 

“I don't know about you, guys. But I want to listen to Zayn,” he said looking directly at Zayn's eyes. 

 

“I've been curious since he told me he played Troy Bolton at his old high school.” 

 

Zayn blushed and it wasn't hard to notice, but he just shrugged and acted as if nothing had happened. 

 

“I could sing something, I guess.” 

 

Niall smiled. He thought he knew why Zayn didn't immediately refuse, but he didn't say anything. 

 

“What would you like to sing? Niall and I basically know the Top 40 by heart,” Liam said. 

 

Zayn shrugged again. “I don't know, you could give me some suggestions.” 

 

Louis shrieked and stood up to take his bag that was lying at the other side of Zayn's room. 

 

“Let me check my iPod,” Louis said. “I have loads of songs I could suggest.” 

 

In that moment, though, Zayn's door opened and a tall and beautiful woman stood in front of them. 

 

“Hello boys,” the woman greeted with a smile. Niall looked in awe. 

 

“Greta told me Zaynie had brought some friends,” she said and Liam laughed and coughed immediately. “Are you having a good time?” 

 

“Yes, Mrs. Malik,” said Louis after taking his music device out of his bag. “We were about to play some songs.” 

 

“That's great,” the woman said. “Zayn's a great singer. I'm really proud of my boy -” 

 

Zayn blushed at his mother's words. He'd have to talk to her later and ask her not to talk about him like that in front of the guys. 

 

“If you need anything, you may call me or Greta. She can bring you snacks if you want.” 

 

Liam thanked Zayn's mum just before she left and Niall was speechless.

 

“Zayn... Your mum is amazing,” he said. Zayn just smiled. 

 

“Yes, we get it, Niall. You want her autograph,” Louis said. 

 

(“I DO NOT!”) 

 

“But let's continue with the music, please and thank you.” 

 

Liam, Niall and Louis debated which songs they could play for Zayn to sing. There wasn't much to choose from, because Louis had mostly indie bands Zayn didn't know about, but in the end, they agreed on “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. 

 

“You know that one, right?” Louis asked and Zayn nodded. 

 

Of course he knew that song. His sisters made him watch the Hannah Montana movie when it was released  and, if he had to be honest, he loved that song. It was really good. 

 

“Cool, so Niall, you can begin!” 

 

Niall started playing the first melodies of the song and Zayn closed his eyes. 

 

He knew this song. He'd listened to it plenty of times, so it'd be a lie if he told them he couldn't do it. So, he just swallowed hard and started singing. 

 

He knew he was a good singer. Not only because his mum kept saying it to anyone who asked (or didn't ask), but also because he did get some roles for his old high school's plays, so he had to be alright. But that didn't make it any less nerve-wrecking to start singing in front of others. 

 

It got easier once you had begun, he knew. So, like 10 seconds after having started the song, he opened his eyes to see Louis, Niall and Liam with their mouths wide open. 

 

Once he was finished, the three boys started speaking at the same time. 

 

“Why didn't you tell us you were SO good?” Liam asked. 

 

“I have never heard such voice, Zayn, really. You're amazing.” Niall said.

 

“Amazing? That was bloody brilliant. Zayn, you need to do that again!” Louis added. 

 

In the end, they played two more songs. Zayn sang one of them alone and the others joined him for the last one. 

 

“Amazing,” Niall laughed. “We could audition for The X Factor and we could totally win.” 

 

Zayn laughed. Like hell he'd audition for a reality show, but it was true. They sounded pretty good. 

 

*

 

They talked for a bit while eating some biscuits Greta had brought for them. 

 

They had decided to stop playing then and continue on another day (“hope you know you'll join us again, Zayn,” Niall warned him playfully), but as they were picking up their things so they could go back home, Louis decided that he wanted to play one last song. 

 

“I don't want to play again, Louis. I'm tired. You could've said so one hour ago,” Niall said, annoyed. 

 

Liam didn't want to play the guitar for him either and Louis was just learning, so he had to turn his puppy eyes to Zayn. 

 

“Come oooooooooon, Zayn,” he said. 

 

Zayn wanted to refuse. He really didn't feel like singing at the moment, but after that damned dream, Zayn found it difficult to say no to Louis. 

 

“Alright,” he said. Louis started jumping and clapping. Zayn smiled. 

 

“What do you want me to play?” 

 

“I'm With You by Avril Lavigne. You know that one, right?” 

 

Niall looked at Louis, seeming to be surprised and confused at the same time. None of his friends noticed though. 

 

“Yeah, I do,” Zayn replied. 

 

“Great!” Louis said as Zayn was picking up the guitar again. 

 

Zayn just smiled and sat on his bed, next to Valentina, who was asleep again after Zayn had fed her around half an hour ago. 

 

It had been a long time since Zayn listened to this song. Avril Lavigne wasn't even close to the kind of music he liked, but he had to admit that song was pretty good. 

 

He'd liked it when it was popular back when he was nine and he still liked it, so he could remember all the words. 

 

Louis joined him the moment he started singing the second verse and something about it made the room feel different. He couldn't put a finger on it though, so he just continued singing. 

 

When he finished the song, Louis hugged him. 

 

“Thank you so much!” The blue-eyed boy said right in Zayn's left ear. “That was amazing and it meant a lot to me.” 

 

Zayn just nodded at Louis' words, while feeling Niall's eyes on them. 

 

Seconds later, Louis just let him go. And after talking a little bit, and after Liam had changed his doll's nappy (it had started crying just before they were about to go), they left. 

 

Zayn still felt weird when he closed the door after saying goodbye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!


	7. Friends and parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, soooooo... A hundred years later, I'm back. 
> 
> I'm so sorry if I took too long to post this. I just didn't seem to have time to do it, but I guess better late than never. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! Next one will come earlier, promise!

It was Saturday and it was around 7 in the morning, so Zayn could still be asleep if he wanted to. And he wanted to, the problem was the he couldn’t go back to sleep after he woke up at 5:28, so why keep trying? He just decided to go downstairs and have breakfast instead.

Maybe that could clear his mind.

He didn’t expect to see his mum sitting at table with a cup of tea the moment he stepped into the kitchen, but there she was, having breakfast while reading the news on her iPad.

“Good morning, Zayn,” said Greta the moment she saw him walk in. At the maid’s greetings, Trisha looked up to see her son with the baby doll he and his partner had named Valentina.

He couldn’t really leave it behind, because that was the point of the whole project.

“Hello, baby,” she said with a big smile on her face. Zayn greeted back and sat next to her. Greta passed him a cup with tea and some milk to go with it.

“It’s so odd seeing you awake at this hour,” she commented and Zayn knew she was expecting an explanation.

“I just went to bed early, so I just woke up,” he lied.

“Uhm,” Trisha hummed, but accepted what he’d said.

In that moment, Greta gave Zayn his breakfast and so he ate in silence, while his mum was typing away on her device.

She was probably talking with someone about that capsule collection she had been working on for some time, so he didn’t ask. If she wanted his opinion, she’d ask him about it, so he never felt the need to pry on her work.

“Baby, I need to ask you something,” and there she was.

As far as he knew, this new collection was especially made for teenagers and young adults, and it was some kind of collaboration with Topshop, so maybe she wanted to know what he thought of some of the pieces or maybe the marketing moves they were planning.

“What?” He asked, while putting away his plate. He hadn’t finished his breakfast, but maybe it was because Greta tends to put more food than he can eat.

“You know I’m working on this collection with Topshop and we agreed on having a new face for the campaign,” she started.

“And I’ve been thinking about giving this girl the job, but I wanted to know what you thought of her.”

Zayn sighed, “Well, of course I could give you my opinion, but I don’t think it’s as important as having girls’ opinions on the matter. You know, since they’re the target and all.”

Trisha nodded, “I know. But I want your opinion first. Then we can ask some of your girl friends from school.”

“Sure,” he didn’t want to burst his mum’s bubble and tell her he didn’t really have friends – let alone _girl_ friends.

Trisha clicked some things on her iPad and then gave it to him. On the screen, there was a picture of a blond girl with blue eyes. She was well-built, not that skinny (which he thought was cool). She was very pretty.

“I think she’s great. She’s beautiful,” he said. “Who is she?”

“That’s Gigi Hadid,” Trisha said. The name rang a bell in Zayn’s head.

“Isn’t that Yolanda Hadid’s daughter?” He asked.

Yolanda Hadid was some kind of family friend. His mum met her at some fashion show in New York when they were both around 20-something and have been in contact ever since.

Yolanda was a model herself, so it didn’t surprise him her daughter was pursuing a career in the same field.

“She is,” Trisha said.

“And how did you think of her for this campaign?”

“Well, I was lurking in Yolanda’s Facebook and she posted this picture of Gigi and I thought she’d be fantastic for the job. As far as I know, she’s modeled before, so she knows a thing or two about the business, too.”

“Well, I think she’d be great for the campaign,” he said, after taking a last sip of his tea.

“Perfect!” Trisha clapped and smiled. I’ll be e-mailing Yolanda. You still can ask the girls in your class about this though. I’ll send you a picture of Gigi through text.”

 

****

30 minutes later, Zayn sent Gigi’s picture to the only girl he could think of at the moment – Jade.

Jade was his friend from his old school in Manchester. They met at one of the school’s auditions for a play and they were almost inseparable since then.

She had been a little bit more popular than him, but she said that was because she was a tiny bit more outgoing and also auditioned for bigger roles, but that never stopped them from being friends.

Some people even believed they were an item. They weren’t. They never felt that way towards the other, but if Zayn had ever liked a girl, then he was sure it would’ve been her. She was cool.

After he moved, they stopped talking that frequently though. He understood, she was busy rehearsing for some roles and she also had schoolwork, like he did. And distance did make things different, even if some people chose to believe otherwise, but he was 100% convinced they were still good friends, even if he lived in London now.

After having sent the message, it didn’t take Jade not even 5 minutes to reply.

_“ZAAAAAAAYNIIIIIE. How r u, babe? Tell me how’s been ur life in London. Who is she? A girlfriend? Am gettin jealous here x”_

Zayn laughed and started typing his reply:

_“Not a girlfriend, Jeed. A model. My mum wants to work with her for this campaign with Topshop.”_

Almost instantly, he received Jade’s answer:

_“Oh, in that case, she’s great. Absolutely gawjuss x”_

He texted back and forth with Jade for some more minutes. She told him she was auditioning for the starring role for this original play the school’s theatre department was producing. He told her about the baby project and Louis… And the other guys, of course, but mostly Louis.

_“I need to meet this Louis boy, then. Need to give my approval,”_ she texted.

_“What do you mean???”_ he asked, but he couldn’t reply instantly to her answer, because he’d suddenly received a text from Louis.

_“Party at Eleanor’s tonight. You’re invited. You’re coming.”_

_“What do you mean I’m coming?”_ Zayn replied to Louis.

_“It means that you’re coming. Come on, Z. Niall will be very disappointed if you don’t.”_

Zayn sighed. He didn’t really like the idea of a party. He went to some of those back in Manchester, most of the time because Jade dragged him with her and he never really had a fantastic time in any of them.

Also, his last experience at a party wasn’t that great either, so he really didn’t want to go.

_“I will be very sad, too :(“_

That did it for Zayn. For some reason, he didn’t want to sadden Louis. He thought, he could go to the party for a little while and then leave.

_“A party doesn’t sound that exciting to me, but I guess I could go for a couple of hours.”_ Zayn texted and he got a reply in no time.

_“You totally have to come. El’s parties are always really nice, nothing too wild, I swear. You’ll have fun!”_

_I hope so_ , Zayn thought after reading Louis’ text. Why he couldn’t just say no, he wasn’t sure, but he’d already said he’d go, so he just texted Jade and without reading her last message, he told her he’d be going to a party Louis had invited him to.

For some reason, she thought that was an important event, so he had to report back to her. He sometimes couldn’t understand his friend.

***

When he told his mum about the party, she got really excited and started talking about how glad she was he was making friends and that everything was improving for him.

He didn’t really think “improving” was the correct word for his situation, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. Especially because, his life at the moment wasn’t particularly bad. He just sometimes felt off, but that was normal, he guessed, so he just hugged her back when she did.

He also agreed on texting her if he felt like leaving or if there was any problem at all. He didn’t think there would be – he didn’t know his classmates that well, but none of them looked like bad people or anything, but he just didn’t want to worry his mum anymore.

Around 8 in the evening, his phone vibrated. He had received a text.

_“I’m here. Come out.”_ It read.

It was Louis. He had told him he would pick him up, because his house was on the way to Eleanor’s and because it was no problem for him. Zayn had been ready for at least one hour. He wasn’t excited or anything, but he didn’t want to make Louis wait.

His mum hugged him just before he stepped out of the house and as soon as he was out, he saw Louis’ black car and made his way towards the backseats.

“Hello, guys,” Zayn said as he was closing the car’s door. Niall was in the co-pilot’s seat.

“Hey Z, how you doing?” asked Louis as he started driving again.

“I’m good. You?”

“Fine!” Zayn said. “Where’s Liam, by the way?”

Niall smiled at Zayn’s question, “oh, he’s going with Sophia. He finally got the courage to ask her out,” the blond boy said.

Zayn was glad. This last week it had become painfully obvious Liam liked Sophia, even if a little. And Sophia liked him back, so he didn’t get why it took them so long, especially when they were together for the baby project.

“That reminds me,” asked Louis. “Do you drive, Zayn?”

“Uhm,” Zayn started. “I can drive,” he continued.

He hadn’t really thought about the driving issue in a while. He guessed because, after almost a year of not being allowed to do it, he was getting used to walking and being driven around by either his mum or her driver. Or even Louis.

“I just don’t really do it.”

“Why?” Louis asked while looking at him through the mirror. Zayn shrugged. He didn’t really want to tell them that he wasn’t allowed to drive or why, so telling a half-truth seemed like the best option.

“We were just asking, because Louis was the designated driver, but he actually wants to get pissed tonight,” Niall said.

“That’s not true!” Louis said. “Don’t believe him, Zayn. I wouldn’t want you to be the designated driver when I promised that you’d have fun tonight,” he continued while making a left turn.

Zayn smiled, “I don’t really drink either. So I could drive you, honestly. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Really?” asked both Niall and Louis at the same time.

“Really,” he said. “I never do it, but I haven’t forgotten how to drive,” he shrugged.

“Cool,” Louis said.

_I just have to be very careful not to mention this to my mum_ , Zayn thought as Niall was turning on the radio to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.

Minutes later, Louis was turning off his car’s engine in front of a beautiful house. “Here it is,” he said.

Zayn could hear the music coming from the big house the moment they stepped off the car and that got him a little nervous.

He hoped Louis had said the truth when he told him that it was “nothing too wild.” He still remembered the parties Jade dragged him to and he didn’t want to go to anything like that anytime soon.  

Niall smiled at him when they were walking to Eleanor’s door, which Louis opened as if he was just going into his own house (“Louis and Eleanor are actually childhood friends, so that’s why he’s doing that,” Niall explained when he saw Zayn’s reaction).

And when he saw the party, he sighed in relief. There weren’t that many people in the house, he knew most of them, save for some people here and there. The music was pretty loud, but it wasn’t a big disaster like the parties Jade liked or those that are shown on Hollywood’s movies for teens.

“I told you it was nice,” Louis said immediately. He’d probably seen Zayn’s reaction. “Eleanor doesn’t really like the American kind of teen parties nor would she invite people she doesn’t know to her home. She’s actually pretty smart,” he finished with a smile, moments after leaving to greet the host.

Niall smiled at him again, too and took him by the arm to go greet their classmates. Liam was already there, with Sophia who was wearing a beautiful wine-coloured dress.

Perrie was also there, wearing a black little skirt with a white shirt. She looked amazing, Zayn thought. She was talking with this girl he’d seen a couple of times before, but couldn’t recall her name and with this black girl in a light pink dress.

He also recognised some boys from his class and the school in general.

Niall led him to a chair and went to get some drinks. He was looking around, when Eleanor and Louis got to where he was.

“Hello, Zayn,” Eleanor greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. She smelled like this Gucci perfume his older sister liked. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Thanks for inviting me. If you did invite me, that is,” Zayn said.

Eleanor looked scandalised upon hearing Zayn’s words, “Of course I invited you, silly. I do not let people I don’t want here in,” she winked and offered him a cigarette.

He took it and thanked her before she left to go talk to a beautiful, black girl she referred to as Portia.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Louis said, standing next to Zayn.

“I do,” Zayn said while lightening the cigarette. He thought about going to the garden, but he noticed several people were smoking inside, including Eleanor, so he didn’t bother. “I just don’t do it all the time, especially because my mum doesn’t like it.”

“Oh,” Louis said. “My mum doesn’t like it either, but I smoke too,” Louis said, getting a pack from his black jean’s pockets. “It calms me.”

Zayn looked at Louis’ cerulean eyes and stared into them.

“And don’t you feel calm right now?” He asked, noticing Louis was lightening a cig.

“I do,” Louis said. “It’s just that seeing you and Eleanor – and all those other people – smoking, made me want to do it too.”

Zayn laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Gigi and Jade have made their kind-of appearances. Their characters are pretty small though, but I like them, so I couldn't resist. 
> 
> Also: nothing happens between Zayn and Gi in this story, so don't worry :) 
> 
> This chapter was pretty light, but quite important. There are some parts that we'll come back to in the future. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading and the kudos! I still can't believe I get those *monkey covering its face emoji*


	8. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, this is some kind of new record, isn't it? But yes, I am here to update in celebration of Zayn releasing Don't Matter for free! (I tried to update yesterday, but AO3 wasn't working properly, but couldn't, so I'm doing it now before I leave for work). 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! And, as always, thank you for reading and the kudos. :)

After Niall came back with some drinks for himself and Zayn (“I thought you had taken some for yourself when you left with Eleanor,” he told Louis), the party started to get a little bit better.

Not because it had been a bad party to begin with, or because he needed alcohol to have fun (he was also the designated driver), but because he was introduced to some people and he talked to some others he already knew, so it was pretty chill.

They all did some karaoke (Perrie and her friends were amazing), played some drinking games he didn’t take part of, and overall had a good time.

He had to admit Eleanor was a great host without having to do a wild party. He liked that. What he didn’t like though, was that towards the end of it all – at around 3 in the morning, he had to go hunting two very drunk Louis and Niall down, because they didn’t want to leave.

“For god’s sake, guys, almost everyone’s already left! Even Liam left!”

Liam had been one of the first to leave, in fact. They talked a little, but he mostly stayed with Sophia, whom he left with a little after 12.

In the end, Eleanor and her friend Portia helped him get Niall and Louis so they could leave.

When he opened the back seats’ door, Niall threw himself and fell asleep immediately, so Louis had to sit next to him. He put Louis the seatbelt and then went to the driver’s seat and turned on the engine.

It was a weird feeling, being in front of the steering wheel again, but it wasn’t foreign at all, so when he started driving, it felt like he’d never stopped doing it.

He drove by his house on his way back, but didn’t stop there, because he thought it was better to drive his friends and then maybe ask his mum to pick him up.

Louis was pretty angry when he woke him up. “Why can’t you open the door yourself?” He asked a little petulantly while fighting with the keys. Niall had his head on Zayn’s shoulder and he looked pretty much dead to him, but the moment Louis opened the door he instantly walked in and went upstairs.

“He’s just left for the guest’s room,” Louis explained as if that was a normal occurrence. It probably was.

“If you want,” Louis continued, “you can sleep with me in my room… There isn’t another free room for you.”

Zayn looked at the floor, he was blushing. But even if he did enjoy being with Louis – he could admit to himself that much after three drinks –, the idea of sleeping next to him didn’t excite him that much.

“No, thanks,” he said. “I was thinking about asking my mother to come and pick me up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not waking her up at this time,” he said, making his way to the stairs, not really worried Zayn wouldn’t follow him. “You’re staying. I can sleep on a mattress; you can keep my bed for the night.”

He didn’t want to tell him his mum was probably still awake, waiting for him to come back, so he just nodded and took his phone out and texted her, explaining he’d stay at Louis’ that night and that he’d call her first thing in the morning.

In the end, Zayn didn’t accept Louis’ bed and he stayed on the mattress. He felt it’d be a lot to have Louis pick another mattress and set it for him and STILL sleep on his bed.

“I still think you could’ve slept in my bed with me. I don’t move too much, if that’s what you’re avoiding,” Louis said as he finished setting the mattress, more sobered up than before.

Zayn shrugged and Louis stared at him. He blushed again.

“Did you have a good time?” Louis asked and Zayn nodded.

Louis smiled, “I’m glad,” he said. “I didn’t want to make you go if you didn’t want to, but I also wanted you there. I knew you’d like it.”

With that, Louis threw himself on his bed and when Zayn thought the other boy might be asleep, he got up and asked, “Hey, what did you do with Valentina?”

Zayn laughed, “My mum stayed with her. She’s keeping track of everything. I will write it again in our notebook.”

“Oh good! I had totally forgotten about her, I feel like a bad father,” Louis said, lying on his bed again.

Minutes later, he was asleep again.

***

Zayn woke up at 9 from a nightmare. He looked around, not really knowing where he was at first. Thankfully, he recalled last night’s happenings just before he’d started panicking.

Louis was still asleep on his bed. Zayn stared at him for a while, detailing every single freckle Louis had that the sunlight that was coming from the window was letting him see.

The sight was hypnotising and when he noticed what he’d been doing, he shook his head and got up.

He made his way to the loo. Thankfully, none of Louis’ sisters were around, because he thought it’d be pretty awkward to walk on them in that moment. His mum wasn’t there either, so luck was actually on his side.

Zayn washed his face and mouth with some water. He also had a wee and looked around for a bit. This was Louis’ own bathroom, apparently, because he couldn’t identify anything that could belong to any of his sisters. He guessed being as wealthy as Louis was, or even as he himself was, had his perks; you could have your own bathroom.

When he went out of the loo, the place was completely deserted, so he went into Louis’ room again without much problem.

His mum had texted him back the night before, asking him to be careful and if the friend that drove them back wasn’t drunk. He replied, telling her he was fine and that he’d call her later.

After that, he opened his social media apps, read some news and whatnot, but got bored of it pretty fast, so he decided to look around Louis’ room, since the boy was still completely out of it.

Louis’ room was covered in stickers; he had some clothes thrown around, glasses with some coloured liquids here and there and loads of superhero toys he hadn’t seen before. He also had pictures with his friends everywhere; pictures with Liam, with Niall, with the both of them, and with some other boy Zayn didn’t know.

This boy was in several of these pictures, and Louis even had pictures of him alone. Who was he? Zayn asked himself. He was sure he’d never seen him around school, because he thought he’d remember him if he did. This boy had chocolate curls, green eyes and a big smile resembling Alice in Wonderland’s Cheshire cat’s.

Maybe he was Louis’ cousin or something, or a friend from the neighbourhood.

He had been about to put the picture where he found it, when he heard a voice behind him.

“That’s Harry,” Louis said. Zayn jumped when he heard Louis’ voice that close to him. It even got the hairs on his neck to stand. He turned around.

“Sorry for lurking around,” Zayn said immediately. “I shouldn’t have.”

Louis smiled with pretty tired-looking eyes. Zayn wasn’t sure they looked like that because he’d just woken up.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I did lurk around your bedroom that time, too. Right? It’s only fair.”

Zayn wanted to laugh, but didn’t. “And that’s Harry, if you were wondering.”

“I was,” Zayn said. There was no point in lying.

Louis didn’t say anything else, so Zayn talked again, “That’s the same Harry Liam and Niall have talked about before, right?”

Louis just nodded.

“What happened to him, if you don’t mind me asking?” Zayn was really curious, because every time this Harry boy was brought up, Louis got angry or defensive. He wouldn’t make Louis tell him, of course, but he could always ask and hope to get an answer.

“He left,” Louis just said and put on a face Zayn couldn’t really read.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn then said. Sensing Louis didn’t really want to talk about it. “I shouldn’t have asked either.”

“Don’t worry, really.” Louis said then. “It’s just that I never talk about it and he was really important to me.”

“Was he your… Uhm, boyfriend?” Zayn asked, choosing his words carefully.

“Yeah.” Louis answered immediately, looking into Zayn’s eyes. He blushed. “That’s not a problem for you, right?”

“Not at all,” Zayn said, still blushing.

Louis didn’t seem to notice, though, because he just smiled and told Zayn he’d go to the loo.

When he opened the door, Niall was there. “Oh, hey there, Nialler. I’m going to the loo. Wait for me here.” And he left.

***

After Louis came back from the bathroom, they all went to the kitchen to have breakfast. Louis’ mum and Lottie, one of Louis’ sisters, were there too.

They all talked about the party, telling Jay and Lottie how good it had been (“You should take me to one of Eleanor’s parties someday, Lou!” Lottie complained) and had a pretty nice morning, even if Niall had been a little bit quiet.

(“I’m still a little tired, that’s why.”)

After breakfast, they didn’t stay for long. Zayn had said he’d call his mum so she could pick him up, but Niall offered to drive him, saying that his house was pretty close so they could walk to get his car, “I also have to buy a couple of things, so I could do that too,” he’d said.

Zayn agreed and so they left.

After having picked up his car, Niall got into the driving seat and Zayn next to him. They immediately went to his house.

Niall was still pretty quiet, but that was ok with Zayn. He was still thinking about last night, Eleanor’s party, Louis’ freckles and the Harry boy.

So, he already knew why Harry was a sore spot for Louis. He was his ex-boyfriend. And Louis was apparently still pretty much in love with him, if he could have a guess. For some reason, that thought annoyed him a little, but he chose to ignore it as best as he could.

He didn’t know why Louis and Harry had broken up. He hadn’t even been there nor did he know Harry, so it wasn’t his place to feel anything about it.

His mouth seemed to believe differently though, because he asked Niall about it without really thinking.

“Do you think Louis is still in love with Harry?”

Niall didn’t answer immediately, but asked, “Why are you asking me that?”

Zayn was surprised Niall didn’t ask him how he knew about Harry at all, but he pushed it aside and just shrugged.

“Louis just mentioned him to me this morning. Said he left – Harry, I mean. So I just wanted to know.”

Niall sighed, “Of course he did… I can’t be sure, Zayn. He doesn’t really talk about it, but I think he is.”

When Zayn got off Niall’s shiny, white car, Niall closed his eyes and sighed again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Why did Niall sigh? Why did Harry leave? What happened?!?!?!?!?! 
> 
> We shall know soon enough ;)


	9. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth is hard...

Niall stayed in front of Zayn’s house for a little while, thinking about what he should do. Should he pretend nothing happened? Should he wait and see how it all unfolds? Or should he go talk to Louis and make him see reason?

The first option was, of course, the easiest. To just forget about it, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t act as if there wasn’t a problem, and he couldn’t just wait and see how Louis’ actions could affect himself and even Zayn. So there really wasn’t another choice for him.

He had to talk to Louis. And right now, if possible. So he just turned his car’s engine on again, made a U-turn and made his way to Louis’ home.

When he arrived, he didn’t knock. Louis opened Eleanor’s door as if it was his own house; and he did the same when it came to Louis’ or even Liam’s home (if he knew Liam’s dad wasn’t there, of course).

No one was in the living room, so he just made his way to the staircase, where he found Jay and the twins, going into the playroom.

“Niall, what are you doing here?” asked Jay, while Phoebe and Daisy ran to him and hugged him fiercely. Louis’ youngest sisters were really sweet.

“I came, because I need to talk to Louis. It’ll be a little while. Sorry if I’m bothering.”

“You’re not bothering, sweetheart. It’s just that you’ve just left. I didn’t expect you here again so soon,” said Jay.

Niall smiled. Jay was a really amazing woman and one of the best mums he knew. She was very dedicated to her children and did whatever was in her hands to keep them happy and healthy.

After talking to the twins a couple of minutes, Niall went upstairs, made his way to Louis’ room (while saying ‘hello’ to Félicité, who’d just been getting out of her bedroom) and, without knocking, opened the door and walked in.

Louis had been on his bed, looking at his phone’s screen.

“Niall,” he stood up. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you going to drop Zayn off and then go buy something?”

Niall didn’t say anything. He was looking directly at Louis’ phone screen, having identified what Louis had been seeing.

“I came to talk about that, actually,” Niall said, pointing at the picture Louis had been looking at.

Louis turned off the screen and threw an accusatory look at Niall.

“Are you going to scold me or something?” he asked.

“Because you were looking at Harry’s pictures?” Niall counter-asked then. “Of course not, Louis. I do that from time to time, too.”

“I just want to know why the fuck you lied to Zayn about Harry.”

Louis didn’t answer, just looked at the floor with an ashamed-mixed-with-annoyed expression. He was biting the inside of his left cheek.

“Look, I know it’s been difficult. I understand, of course I do. It’s been difficult for me and for Liam too, but it’s one thing being sad about it, and then another completely different to pretend it never happened.”

“Pretend it never happened?” Louis exploded. His eyes were starting to glisten from the tears. “As if! I’m dealing with this every single day, when I wake up after having dreamt everything’s back to normal, just to realise this is how life is now! You have NO idea what you’re talking about.”

“I have no idea. Yeah, I have no idea,” Niall said in a dead tone. “I have no idea what it is to lose a friend to a fucking drunk driver, almost lose the other to the same fucking drunk driver and have to remember it all the bloody time because this second friend refuses to move on!”

“Because you refuse to talk about it, to acknowledge it – and when you do talk about it, it’s to tell this boy who doesn’t know shit that Harry just _left_.  As if Harry would’ve just _left_.”

“Because you, Louis. You refuse to fucking accept it and move on. You think you’re the only one that’s been affected by this, but you aren’t. God, you haven’t even talked to Anne again since it all happened. Don’t you think she’s suffering more than we are? Obviously not, because you know that if you do it, you won’t be able to pretend he’s on vacations somewhere anymore!”

Niall was full on crying now and so was Louis. He couldn’t even talk to defend himself, to say that that wasn’t the truth.

Maybe because, deep down, he knew Niall was right.

“It’s not like it matters. Zayn doesn’t know what happened, so who cares if he believes Harry is some ex-boyfriend of mine?” Louis said.

Niall couldn’t believe what he was hearing and he just wanted to give a petulant answer, but he stopped himself and just sighed.

“Maybe this is your chance to start accepting it and you’re letting it go,” Niall said while he felt Louis’ eyes on him.

“What are you talking about?” Louis asked, but Niall didn’t answer, he just kept on talking.

“Look. I’m not going to make you do anything, but I suggest you tell Zayn the truth.”

Louis didn’t say anything, but Niall knew he was listening to his words, so he continued.

“It’ll help you. Also, I want to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Don’t hurt Zayn.”

Louis looked confused, “Don’t be ridiculous, Niall. Why would I hurt Zayn?”

“Unintentionally, of course –,”

But Louis didn’t let Niall continue, “WHY would I hurt Zayn? Intentionally or unintentionally – why would I do that?”

Niall wanted to laugh, but he noticed Louis truly wanted to know.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed,” he just said. He thought it was pretty obvious, given the way Zayn had been looking at Louis since the day they played at his house that one time.

“Noticed what?”

“Just don’t hurt him, alright?” Niall said. “He’s basically new to school and to the city. And you don’t know how he’ll react. So be careful with what you say and do.”

Louis sighed. He didn’t know what Niall meant, but he just nodded. Of course he’d never hurt Zayn. Because, first, he didn’t like hurting people. And second, Zayn was a cool guy, he liked him and he didn’t like hurting people he liked. Even if unintentionally.

Niall sighed and hugged Louis. Louis hugged him back.

“I hope I wasn’t too harsh, Lou. I care about you and I want to see you happy again. I know it’s hard, but not impossible.”

Louis just nodded at Niall’s words.

“I better leave, though. I left my doll with my mum this weekend and she’s texted me already saying it’s more annoying than I was when I was little.”  

Louis laughed this time, drying the tears that were falling, “Alright.” He said, “See you tomorrow at school, ok?”

“See you,” said Niall after hugging Louis again.

*

After Niall had left, Louis stayed in his silent room.

He’d locked the door so his mum or his sisters wouldn’t annoy him and just stayed there, on his bed, looking at the picture he’d been looking when Niall had arrived.

He missed Harry so much and he still had a hard time believing what had happened almost one year ago.

Maybe it was because he never had the time to grieve like Niall and Liam did. He just woke up one day on a hospital bed, to his mum by his side, without knowing what had happened.

**

_“Mum?” Louis said the moment he realised where he was._

_His mum, who had been reading a book next to his bed, looked up and her eyes started swimming in tears. He couldn’t say a word until she stopped hugging him._

_“What happened? Why am I in the hospital?” He had no idea, because no one was answering his questions. They were just talking about his health status and whatnot._

_As far as he could tell, he was alright. A little headache, but nothing he couldn’t deal with. He just wanted to know why he was taken here._

_Suddenly, in the middle of some tests, Louis remembered something. Harry._

_Harry had been the last person he remembered and, funnily enough, he was the one he still hadn’t seen or heard about._

_He knew Niall and Liam were outside, so were his sisters, his mum and even his father, whom he rarely saw._

_But what about Harry? Where was he?_

_“Ma’am,” he called for the nurse’s attention, who was writing something on her notepad, after meddling with the machines he was hooked to. The woman looked nice enough, maybe she knew something. Maybe Harry was in another room. “Do you know where Harry Styles is? Is he in another room?”_

_The young woman looked sideways at Louis, but didn’t answer. That’s what convinced Louis that she knew something he didn’t._

_When he saw his mum again, almost at 6 pm, he couldn’t help but ask immediately about Harry._

_“Where is Harry, mum? Why isn’t he here with me? Is he in another room?”_

_Jay just started crying._

_That was the moment he knew something was really wrong._

_**_

It took Louis a couple of days to half understand he wouldn’t be seeing Harry anymore.

Half, because he was visited by Anne, who looked like the whole world had fallen on her head. It probably had.

She said she was glad he was awake again. Apparently, he had stayed three weeks asleep. That was the reason why he couldn’t say goodbye, couldn’t go to the funeral or cry with his friends and accept it little by little.

The news was just thrown at him and he was supposed to take it like a bitter pill. In one swallow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've probably suspected this for a while now, or maybe you didn't, but yeah... 
> 
> What do you think of the whole thing? Poor Louis, Niall was a bit harsh, wasn't he? Or do you think that's the only way to get something across sometimes? 
> 
> also, Zayn... How do you think he will react when he knows what truly happened? Will Louis tell him or maybe he'll learn the truth by mistake or through another person?


	10. That's what friends are for

Louis knew he had promised Niall to see him on Monday at school. But he truly wasn’t able to get out of bed. He had an awful headache (he had been crying basically the whole night) and he was on a terrible mood.

He felt like he was reliving those first few days (or more like weeks) after he came back home from the hospital, back in the middle of February. Back when he felt like the world had ended and he was just breathing, because he was simply used to doing it.

His mum was worried, of course. But she left him stay at home that day, and also on Tuesday, when he refused to go to school again.

Jay wasn’t sure what had happened. She did hear Niall and Louis discussing the other day, but didn’t want to intervene. Niall was a really calm boy and she knew he’d never hurt her boy – nor would Louis do anything to Niall if he was mad or something.

She could imagine the source of Louis’ sudden sadness though and she bet it had something to do with Harry. It was always about that and, if she had to admit it, she didn’t know what to do by this point.

She tried giving Louis some space on the first month – but that didn’t work. She tried talking to him, but he shut her out. She tried having Lottie talk to him, maybe distract him and, of course, it didn’t work either.

Only as the seasons started to change, he started to get calm. He started eating regularly again, he sometimes went for a run, to get coffee, to the movies with the boys.

She thought he was accepting it. Apparently not.

“Mum?”

Jay suddenly looked up. She had been staring into space, not really noticing what was happening around her.

It was Lottie. She had just come back from school.

“Hello, poppet. How did your test go?”

Lottie had stayed at one of her friend’s house, studying for an exam.

“Alright, I think,” she said, studying her mum’s expression. “Did Louis go to school today?”

Jay shook her head and sighed. Lottie sat next to her.

They didn’t talk for a while. They both knew how it had been at the beginning of the year and they didn’t even want to think about how it’d be having Louis that depressed again.

In that moment, Félicité arrived home with the twins. She sometimes picked them up from school and they walked home together. When she noticed the mood as soon as she stepped into the kitchen with the girls, she asked them to go and change clothes.

Neither Jay or Lottie said anything and so Félicité could imagine what the problem was. She was 13, but she wasn’t stupid. She had seen those expressions before.

“I’ll be right back,” she said and made her way upstairs, towards Louis’ bedroom.

When she walked in, she noticed all the blinds were shut and the room was almost dark. Louis was on his bed, pretending to be asleep.

She knew he was pretending, because it wouldn’t be the first time he did that, so she just shut the door behind herself, and approached her brother.

“Louis, I know you’re awake. Please, talk to me.”

Louis sighed and turned over. She noticed his eyes were red and he was a little pale. “Leave me alone, Fiz. I want to sleep.”

“You don’t want to sleep, you want to mope,” she said. And Louis couldn’t believe his sweet sister was talking to him like that. He huffed.

“Get out!”

“I’m not getting out!” She said and Louis noticed she was angry – and sad.

“Louis, my mum is worried. Lottie is worried. And if the twins knew you’re like this again, they’d be worried too.”

Louis didn’t say anything. He just turned over again, his eyes to his wall and pretended he didn’t care. Félicité, as a response, sat on his bed by his feet.

“Look, I know what this is about.”

“Yeah, you know everything, of course,” he said.

“I do, as a matter of a fact,” Félicité responded. “I know you lied to your friend Zayn and made him believe Harry’s still alive for your own benefit. I also know everything Niall told you on Sunday. And you know what? I completely agree with him.”

Louis couldn’t believe his ears. Félicité was admitting to having heard his private conversation and she was also accusing him because of everything that was said?

“You must be joking,” he said. Finally sitting up. “Who gave you the permission to listen to conversations you weren’t a part of?”

“I took it myself, thank you very much,” she said.

“It’s just, Niall did look angry and I wanted to know what was up. Anyway, I’m not excusing myself, because I’m glad I heard it all and I’m glad someone finally told you what everyone’s been thinking!”

Louis was surprised by how harsh his sister was being. He couldn’t even respond.

“I know it’s been hard. We all loved Harry as well and you know it. And we knew it’d take you time to accept it, because he was your boyfriend and the circumstances were certainly the worst.”

“But you were alright. You were alive, so we were willing to give you the time to heal and help you on the way. But you didn’t let us and you’re still not letting us, apparently. My mum is worried sick and you can’t even get out of bed to calm her.”

Louis stayed silent. He couldn’t believe he was getting another scolding. This time from his _younger_ sister.

“Do you know that my mum thought you weren’t going to get better by May?” She said, drying the tears that were falling. “And she even thought you were going to off yourself, because you were just in such a bad state.”

Félicité hiccupped at that and stayed silent for some seconds, before she could continue. Louis was giving her all his attention now.

“I know this, because even if she never said it, I could feel it. Because even Lottie and I thought that was a possibility. And we were so _fucking_ scared.”

Louis looked at the floor. He had never heard his younger sister cussing, but it wasn’t the time to tell her that.

“But then… You started eating again, and going out again – and we thought, he’s on his way to getting better. You weren’t your old-self, of course, but it was enough by then.”

“And then you met Zayn, and you started laughing and smiling again. And I’m not assuming anything, but I thought he was good for you.”

Louis looked up again and asked, “What do you mean?”

Félicité just shrugged.

“I told you, I’m not assuming anything. It could be as a friend, but he is good for you,” she said looking at his eyes, identical to her own.

“You know, Louis. I know some days will be harder than others, but I want you to be strong. _I know_ you can be strong, because you showed us you still could live despite everything that happened.”

Louis smiled sadly at her, “You sound older than you are.”

She just shrugged again. “You can talk with me whenever you want to, you know that, right?”

Louis nodded then.

“Or with mum, or Lottie. With your friends Niall and Liam, or even Zayn. Just talk to someone.”

He nodded again and his eyes were starting to water. “It’s just that I miss him so much, Féli. Sometimes I don’t think about it and I believe I can be happy again, but then it just hits me… The fact that I’m not seeing him again. That I won’t listen to his voice anymore or at least receive one of his texts. It’s like, how did it happen? I still don’t understand.”

“And you probably heard it,” he said, making his sister blush. “I sometimes dream of him and when I wake up it’s like cold water has been dropped on me.”

Louis’ voice broke then, he started crying like he hadn’t done it in a long time, hiccupping and saying “he was so young, I don’t get it” again and again.

Félicité just held him.

She knew this wasn’t it, but she was certain Louis was finally on his way to getting better.

She hoped so, at least.

****

Wednesday was a cold day. November was coming to an end and the weather was awful.

Louis didn’t feel his best either, but he felt he could go back to school. So there he was, explaining Liam and Niall that he’d just had two bad days, but he was better.

Niall had a guilty face, but Louis smiled reassuringly at him.

“So, how are you and Sophia doing?” Louis asked Liam, before blowing some air to his cold hands. Liam shrugged.

“We’re alright. She’s cool and we get on really well, but it’s always like that when it’s so early in a relationship, isn’t it?”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you can be a pessimist even when you’re dating the girl you like!” Niall complained and Louis laughed.

Niall was right. Liam had this talent of seeing the glass half empty, even if the water was almost dripping. 

“I’m not a pessimist, I’m highly realistic. There is a big difference –,”

But Louis didn’t hear what the difference was. In that moment, Zayn was stepping into the cafeteria, where they all were having breakfast.

“I didn’t know Zayn had a free period right now,” Louis said. Liam searched Zayn with his sight.

“I don’t think he has a free period now, I think he’s skipping,” Liam said when he found him.

On Wednesdays, Liam, Niall and Louis had a free period at the second hour and they’d use it for breakfast and some chatting. Sometimes, they were the only ones in the cafeteria, because the rest of their classmates preferred to go outside.

Today though, most of them were in the building because of the weather. Some were even in the library, doing homework or something.

“Zayn!” Niall yelled then, and when Zayn set his eyes on them, Niall signaled him. Zayn doubted for some seconds, but approached them nonetheless.

“Hey,” Zayn said as soon as he was in front of them. Liam gave him some space so he could sit next to him. “You have a free period now?”

“Yeah, but you don’t,” Liam said, but it wasn’t accusatory. Zayn just shrugged before putting Valentina on the table. Today was probably Louis’ turn to take her home.

“I have physics now and I don’t think I can concentrate right now. I barely slept last night,” he explained.

And Louis could see what he meant, because Zayn had some dark circles under his eyes and he looked a little pale.

“What happened?” Niall asked and Zayn shrugged again.

Louis noticed that Zayn would shrug a lot.

“I was feeling ill last night,” he said without explaining any more.

“But you feel better now, right?” Louis asked. “Because if you don’t, you can go home.”

Zayn looked into Louis’ eyes and just shook his head, “I feel physically better. I’m just tired.”

They didn’t talk much after that. Zayn looked pretty distracted and Louis didn’t know why, but he felt there was something else there. Maybe he was just paranoid and believed everyone was lying when they said they were good from his own experience.

****

After the day was over and Niall and Liam had left, Louis stayed in front of the school, smoking a cigarette, waiting for Zayn. He knew he was still inside the building.

When Zayn went out, Louis approached him. Zayn looked nervous, for some reason, but he pushed it aside.

“Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to give me the doll. I haven’t had it in almost a week and I reckon it’s my turn.”

Zayn nodded and gave Louis the doll, “Sure,” he’d said.

Louis took the doll and looked at Zayn again. He still looked a little off. Maybe it was true that he had been sick after all and was just getting better. That would explain his appearance.

“Want me to drive you home?” Louis said, while he dropped the cigarette to the floor and stepped on it.

“Er, it’s not necessary,” Zayn said. But Louis just shook his head.

“Come on, boy. It’s not a problem for me and I want to do it. That’s what friends are for, right?” He said.

Zayn nodded and blushed, he noticed. _It’s probably because of the weather_ , Louis told himself and just made his way to his car without commenting on it. He didn’t want to put Zayn on the spot for such a small thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this!!! :)


	11. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *knock, knock* Is there anyone here? 
> 
> I hope I still have at least one reader left. Lol.

The way to Zayn’s house was quiet. Louis didn’t say anything and Zayn didn’t either, they just kept driving and staring outside the window.

Louis couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to Zayn’s mood. It’s not like Zayn was a loud guy like Niall was, not at all, but he was just _different_.

Louis knew he didn’t have any reason to think like that. He barely knew Zayn and he’d already said he was tired, so maybe he was just projecting his own feelings onto the other boy.

“Hey, Zayn,” Louis said suddenly, while making a turn that would lead them to Zayn’s neighbourhood. Zayn turned to look at him without saying anything. “I was thinking about going to the mall tomorrow and relax. Maybe drink something or go to the movies. Wanna go with me?”

Zayn was surprised by Louis’ invitation, but he nodded nonetheless. He needed a distraction and seeing him go out would probably make his mother very happy. It was a pretty easy decision.

Louis was also surprised, because it didn’t take long for Zayn to say yes. He, of course, didn’t know that was normal when Zayn was feeling especially off.

After saying goodbye, Zayn got off of Louis’ car and made his way into his house. He yelled that he was back, so Greta or his mum would know and went directly to his bedroom.

Thankfully, he wouldn’t have the doll today, so he could just ignore he had homework and listen to music the rest of the day.

Which he did. He listened to whatever music his iTunes on shuffle would play, and thought and thought.

It hadn’t been a lie that he had been ill the night before. He had thrown up, in fact. But that wasn’t the reason why he was so tired. He wasn’t even that tired, if he gave it a thought.

But he couldn’t tell the boys he had actually had a nightmare and much less the nature of it. He didn’t know how they’d react to it, especially since Louis had been part of it.

Now, he was completely aware it had just been a figment of his imagination and he wouldn’t be scared of Louis because of it. He knew the blue-eyed boy wasn’t capable of doing such thing.  

Because Louis was funny and sweet and nice. He’d never hurt Zayn in any way. Especially not in _that_ way.

Suddenly Zayn heard a noise. He woke up from his stupor and looked at the door; his mum was there. She looked worried.

“Are you alright, baby?” She asked, sitting on his bed by his feet. Zayn just smiled sweetly at her and nodded.

“I’m fine. Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Nightmares?” She asked, but Zayn shook his head. _There’s no need to worry her_ , he thought.

“I just went to bed pretty late, reading a book.”

“Oh. Then I suggest you go, take a nice warm shower, have dinner and then go to sleep. You’ll feel much better tomorrow.”

Zayn smiled at her again and nodded without saying anything, but when his mum was almost out of his room, he called for her.

“Mum?”

She turned around to look at him.

“I love you.”

She smiled again, “I love you too, sweetheart.”

***

The next morning was better for Zayn.

He had a good dreamless night and was in a better mood. He was even looking forward to going out with Louis.

“Good morning,” he said when he stepped into the kitchen. Greta had already left his breakfast on the table, where his mum was also eating hers.

“Morning, sunshine.”

Zayn laughed and Trisha smiled. She didn’t say anything, but she was glad Zayn was feeling good today. He didn’t say anything, but she knew something had been bothering him the night before.

It probably had been a nightmare, he had those all the time. Or maybe he was just overthinking. But she knew where he was coming from, so she didn’t want to pressure him as long as he did tell her if it ever got to be too much for him to handle.

She didn’t want to relive what happened in January.

“Feeling better?” She asked nonetheless, and Zayn nodded with his mouth full of pancakes.

“Loads,” he said after having swallowed.

“That’s good. Ready for school, then?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “By the way, mum. Today I’m going out with Louis just after school. No problem with you, right?”

Trisha smiled, “Of course not, you know that I’m glad that you have friends. Just call me if you want me to pick you up, or if there’s a problem.”

Trisha actually liked Louis and the other two kids, but she always said this whenever he was going out. She wanted him to remember that she was always there for him, no questions asked.

“Sure,” he said.

The morning passed like that. Pretty calm and chill, even if the weather was horrible.

After last period, it was raining and Louis and Zayn had to run all the way to Louis’ car and get in there as fast as possible. When they were in it, they laughed their asses off.

“Oh my god, look at Valentina! She’s drenched, poor thing!” Louis said, covering her with his red jumper. Zayn laughed.

“It’s just a doll, she won’t get a cold or anything.”

Louis looked scandalised, “If you’re this careless with a doll, I don’t want to imagine you having a real child.”

Zayn laughed loudly again and Louis liked the sound of it.

On their way to the mall, they talked a lot and Louis connected his iPod on the music system and played an Oasis album. They also made a detour to a McDonald’s, because Louis was hungry.

“I’ll pay both our foods this time,” Louis said when he saw Zayn taking some money out of his bag.

“I don’t think that’s fair -,” but Louis didn’t let him finish.

“Let me. It’s not like you won’t pay for the desserts.”

“Ah, so you had it all planned,” Zayn said.

“Of course I did. The sweets I like are more expensive than McDonald’s.”

The day went on like that. With jokes, easy banter and laughter. Zayn also bought a purse in Fendi and Louis couldn’t believe it.

“Why did you buy something that expensive out of the blue?” He asked.

Zayn just shrugged, “Christmas is getting closer. This is a gift for my older sister.”

“I thought you didn’t celebrate Christmas,” Louis said then.

“I don’t. But my mum used to before she married my dad, so she always would give us gifts for the occasion and I guess it just stayed with me. I always give my family a present.”

“That’s nice. But why such an expensive gift?”

Zayn shrugged again, “It reminded me of my sister. I think she’ll like it.”

“I bet she will,” Louis said.

Zayn looked at him, “I think I’m also getting you guys something for Christmas. But I don’t really know what you like.”

“Oh,” Louis said and blushed. “Well, Liam is boring, you can get him socks and he’ll like them. Niall likes car toys and things like that.”

“And what do you like?” Zayn asked, looking at the floor. He hadn’t expected asking this, but it had been the truth, he wanted to give his new friends a Christmas present.

“Uhm, I like albums.”

“Music albums?” Asked Zayn. Louis just nodded.

“Cool.”

“My birthday is on Christmas eve, by the way,” Louis said. “Not telling you to get me a second gift, one is enough,” he laughed. “But so you remember to keep that day free. You’re invited to my party.”

“Thanks,” Zayn said. “You turn 18, right? I’ll be 18 in January.”

“Oh, January,” Louis said. “When exactly?”

“The 12,” Zayn said.

“Great, so I’ll have time to think about a present.”

Zayn laughed at that.

***

After walking for a while, Louis and Zayn decided to sit in a bakery. They put Valentina on the table and Louis ordered some cold sweets he said were amazing and talked while they waited for their order.

“How do you like London?” Louis asked Zayn.

Zayn, of course, shrugged. “I like it alright, I guess. It’s a nice city. I do miss Manchester sometimes.”

“What do you miss about Manchester the most? Besides your father and sisters, of course.”

Zayn smiled, “This park that was close to my house. And my friend Jade, she was cool.”

“Oh. And school?”

“I don’t really miss school, to be honest,” Zayn said.

“Were you bullied or something?” Louis asked and Zayn was surprised by that suggestion.

“No, not at all. My classmates were great, I guess. It’s just another thing, but I don’t really want to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”

Louis understood. There were things you sometimes didn’t want to think about, so he pushed it aside.

In that moment, their sweets arrived so they started eating.

***

When Louis dropped Zayn off at 7 at his house, he felt pretty light. It was like nothing could bother him that day.

He found, once again, that he truly enjoyed Zayn’s company and maybe, just maybe Félicité and Niall were right. Maybe Zayn’s friendship was doing him good.

He hoped Zayn felt the same.


	12. The nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn daydreams in class and he meets Louis' sisters.

Mrs. Smith was talking, but Zayn wasn’t listening. He was busier detailing Louis’ eyebrows.

He found that they were shaped in a very particular way and he was sure he’d never seen such eyebrows before. Why he didn’t notice them before, he wasn’t sure, but he could argue that the reason were his eyes.

They were quite close and Louis’ eyes did tend to opaque everything else.

Like last time he’d gone out with him and Liam and Niall. They were talking about something he couldn’t quite remember and it was like Zayn had got lost in Louis’ eyes and –

“MR. MALIK!”

“Huh?”

He suddenly heard giggles around him. Right, he was in class and Mrs. Smith looked pretty angry.

“Mr. Malik, this isn’t the time to be daydreaming. I’m talking about the next steps you need to take for the Baby Project. Please, pay attention.”

“Right,” he said, looking at his hands. “I’m sorry, professor.”

Mrs. Smith just hummed and continued talking.

“You have to give back your dolls by next Monday’s class, and then, on Thursday you’ll give your presentation.”

“You have to talk about how you found the whole experience, how you worked together, what you learned about raising a child in the last month and if it was easy or difficult for you,” Mrs. Smith explained.

“I’m also expecting a chart with the routines. You know, when the doll needed a nappy change, feeding and all that. I hope you took records of all that.”

Zayn was sure he heard Niall hold his breath in one of the chairs behind him.

“Do you have any questions?” she asked, and when no one spoke up, she went to her desk. “Alright, then I’ll be expecting an excellent work from all of you. Class dismissed!”

“What?” Zayn couldn’t believe that was the end of the lesson. He felt like it had started 15 minutes ago or something.

“You would have noticed time going by if you hadn’t been staring at Louis the whole class,” Zayn turned his head to his right and saw Eleanor sitting next to him. She was smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on. It was pretty obvious, I bet everyone noticed. Perrie looked pretty mortified.”

“What?” He asked.

“She’ll get over it soon. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry.”

Zayn shook his head, “No, I mean. Everyone noticed?” 

Eleanor laughed, then. “Everyone but Louis. He’s bad at recognising these kind of things.”

Without saying anything else, Eleanor left. He couldn’t believe he had been so careless.

Of course he’d noticed he sometimes stared at Louis, but he thought no one had seen him at it before. If he was as obvious as Eleanor had said, that meant half London’s population knew he had a crush on his friend by then. And he’d just accepted it last night.

“What the fuck, man?” He asked himself under his breath. He was truly pathetic.

“Anything wrong?” He heard then and when he looked up, there was Louis. As if he’d smelled his and Eleanor’s conversation.

Zayn just shook his head.

“Cool, then we have to agree on how we’re going to make our presentation. Why don’t you come with me to my house, so we don’t have to work on it this weekend? You can also stay for dinner.” 

“Sure,” Zayn said and nodded. “Let me text my mum. You know how she gets when she doesn’t know where I am.”

After that, they agreed on meeting after their last period in front of the school building.

****

Trisha had texted Zayn the same thing she always said: “Call me if you need me to pick you up or if there’s any problem.”

Zayn thought he should tell his mum he already knew those words by heart and that it wasn’t necessary for her to repeat them all the time. Then he remembered the reason why she started saying that in the first place and stopped himself from hurting her. 

He waited around 10 minutes for Louis outside of school, smoking a cigarette. He reasoned that the cig would help him prepare for the moment the blue-eyed boy stepped out.

He couldn’t believe he was feeling like a 13 year old girl with a crush on Justin Bieber.

“ZAYN!” Louis arrived then, with Valentina in his left hand. Zayn blew some smoke to his right and dropped the cigarette and stepped on it, and so they made their way to Louis’ car.

“It’s hard to believe it’s almost time to give the doll back. I’m going to miss her,” Louis said as he turned on the engine.

“So am I,” Zayn said in a serious tone and Louis laughed.

“Doesn’t look like it, bro. I think if you could, you’d give her back right this second, so you could finally get away from me.”

Zayn laughed, “You’re completely right. Can’t wait to stop seeing your annoying face all the time.”

“My face isn’t annoying,” Louis said. “It’s a gift from the Greek gods and I know you agree with me.”

If Zayn hadn’t known Louis was joking, he’d had a heart attack in that moment.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Lou.” He said.

****

“So, you found it difficult or easy to raise a child?” Louis asked from his laptop, while Zayn was looking at Louis’ action figures.

“Uhm. I guess it was easy once you got used to getting up at three. It’s not like changing a fake nappy or fake feeding a doll requires a certain kind of knowledge.”

Louis threw a nasty look at Zayn, “Well, I found it difficult, because I’d forget all the time to take it everywhere with me. I once went out the whole day and left her at home. Thankfully, Lottie listened to her crying and helped me while I was out.”

“Of course I had to do her Math and Chemistry work for two weeks,” he said seconds later as if he’d just remembered that.

Zayn laughed, “Does your sister belong to the mafia?”

“I guess so,” Louis said and shrugged. “But I think it’s all of them. Especially Lottie and Fiz. The other day, Félicité let me know she’d listened to this private conversation. I couldn’t believe it.”

“What kind of thing did she hear though?” Zayn asked himself. “I bet something embarrassing. I would’ve blackmailed you.”

“DON’T GIVE THEM IDEAS. They’re probably listening right now,” Louis said and got up to open the door. No one was behind it.

Zayn started laughing loudly, “You’re paranoid, man.”

“You’d be too if your family were like mine.”

Two hours later, they had finished all the work. The Power Point presentation was ready and now they only had to show it to their class.

The routine chart wasn’t done yet though. They had started with the things they had written in their baby notebook, but they still had a few days to go before they stopped taking records.

“I guess we’ll just have to add the rest then, and it’s over,” Louis said after closing his laptop.

In that moment, Jay opened the door.

“Zayn, sweetie. Are you staying for dinner?” She asked.

Zayn nodded. The last time he was invited to have dinner at Louis’ was the first time he’d come, so he thought it’d be polite to accept this time.

“Perfect,” Louis said then. “Now you’ll be able to meet my Mafia Sisters properly and will finally understand why I’m paranoid.”

In reality, there was nothing furthest from the truth. Zayn thought Louis’ sisters were nice and adorable. Especially the twins; they were funny and sweet and they already loved Zayn.

“I LOVE YOUR EYES,” yelled one of the twins the moment she looked at him. The other one was eyeing his shoes.

“Mum, I want shoes like those for Christmas!”

Lottie couldn’t be described as adorable though. She was witty and knew some jokes that almost made Zayn spit his orange juice.

Félicité was the quiet one. Not like she only spoke when spoken to, but she did prefer to listen.

He liked them; they reminded him of his sisters.

“I have sisters too. They’re in Manchester though,” he said.

Jay looked interested then, “So you come from Manchester. How is it there?”

“It’s cool. I like it there.”

“And are you going back home for the holidays?”

Zayn shook his head, “I don’t think so. I think my dad and my sisters are coming to London, since they haven’t been here in a while.”

“Great,” Jay said then, after having taken a sip from her glass. “I want to meet your family. I bet they are really nice, if you’re anything to go by.”

Zayn blushed at that.

At the end of dinner, Zayn helped Jay clean the table while Louis played with the twins. Lottie and Félicité went back to their rooms.

“Zayn, I wanted to ask you. Where did you go to school back in Manchester?” Asked Jay.

Zayn was taken by surprise with that question. He didn’t think that was interesting info, but he shrugged it off and just answered.

“Manchester Elite High, why?” He asked back.

“Oh, I supposed so. It’s just that given who your family is, I thought it’d be one of the expensive private ones.”

Zayn still didn’t understand what was so interesting about that.

“It’s just, I just remembered I heard there was some kind of scandal with one of the professors there. But it never really got out. Do you happen to know?”

Zayn froze in that moment. Of all things she could’ve asked about the school, he didn’t think it would be _that._

He cleared his voice, “Uhm, yeah. Something happened, but it was a whole mystery even to us, the students. No one really knew and there were so many rumours it was impossible to know who had it right.”

“Oh. I was just curious. Don’t think I live for the gossip or anything, by the way. It’s just that at the time, everyone commented about it during the school assemblies.”

****

_Where was he? Zayn wasn’t sure. It was all so dark, he could only make out shapes here and there._

_The air was hot, incredibly hot, though and it was hard to breathe. His heart was beating really fast and he thought it’d burst out of his chest._

_Seconds or minutes passed, he couldn’t tell the difference, when he felt something else. Or someone, actually. Someone behind him, breathing loudly close to his right ear._

_Zayn didn’t move and just closed his eyes. It felt like this wasn’t anything new, but he couldn’t recall when he could’ve been here before._

_Suddenly the person got closer and talked in a really low voice, so only he could hear him._

_“No one will believe you if you tell them.”_

_Then this person, this man, gripped his strong hands around Zayn’s neck and started choking him. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t breathe. And if he was certain of something, it was that he was going to die just then._

_He was going to die._

_He was going to die._

The air was absolutely cold and he was sweating and trembling as he sat up. He looked behind him, but there was no one. Only the wall.

That was when it hit him. He was on his bed, in his room; it had all been a dream – a nightmare.

He breathed deeply, but the air got stuck in his throat and he sobbed. Seconds later, he was full on crying.

The voice sounded so real this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are the worst, don't you think?


	13. Trying to escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back.   
> For some reason, I always take a month or a little over a month to update. I'll try to be faster though. 
> 
> This chapter took me a while to name. I actually just named it, because I want them all to have a title, so I literally read the whole thing again to try to understand the whole chapter's feelings and this is what came to mind the first few minutes. I think you'll see why. 
> 
> The thing is, I feel this is a a really important one and one of those chapters that convey the whole fic's feelings and aims. 
> 
> We don't only see Zayn and Louis get closer in this one, even if not for the best reasons, tbh, and even if none of them notice it, but we also see how both of them are trying to run away, escape, from something or someone (or maybe both) that haunts them and doesn't let them be completely happy -- even if things aren't that bad in their individual lives at the moment... 
> 
> This is a recurrent feeling in the story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this as I did writing it. This is one of my favourite chapters too, by the way. :)

Around the year before, Zayn had his first nightmare. He couldn’t remember what happened in it, nor the day or how he felt after it, because more of those followed soon after. He did know, however, what it had been about – basically because all his nightmares were about the same thing.

At first, he felt pretty worn out and he’d try to stop himself from having them. First he tried not sleeping at all, which turned out to be pretty counterproductive, because he was even more tired than before.

And when he, in the end, fell asleep, he found his nightmares were even worse than before; sending him to the loo to throw up or making him cry until he had a massive headache.

So, a change of tactics was in order and he remembered he had heard somewhere (maybe from a teacher or a Discovery H&H show) that people dreamed of things they saw or thought about during the day, so he tried to get away from his nightmare’s source.

Since the source was in school, he’d skip as much as he could. He’d take his car in the morning, drive somewhere else and spend the morning listening to music, reading or even sleeping. Somehow, knowing he was away from it all, made it easier to get a somewhat decent sleep.

But, of course, he was discovered.

One day, his parents were called by the headmistress. He didn’t know any of this until he was woken up in his car by a phone call from his dad, who only said “come home immediately.” 

“I can’t believe you’ve been skipping school for two months!”

“How didn’t we notice?”

“Why did you do it?”

“The headmistress says if you don’t pick up, you’re going to FAIL!”

“This is unacceptable.”

And a big long et cetera. He couldn’t possibly remember everything his parents told him that afternoon, but the scolding went on and on until he apologised and agreed on going back and getting extra credits. 

That was when he realised running away from it was futile and his best choice was getting used to it. So that’s what he did.

And that’s what he’s doing now that he’s having nightmares almost every night again.

He’s trying to ignore it and continue with his life. Which meant going to school, doing homework and things of the sort.

For example, this week he had to give back the baby doll with Louis and also show his presentation on Thursday. This was also the last week before Christmas holidays. He wasn’t sure if a “Thankfully” or “Luckily” should go into that sentence.

He wouldn’t have his distraction anymore, but he tried not thinking about that. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it,” he would tell himself.

“ZAYN!” He suddenly heard.

He had been sitting on the cafeteria, supposedly having breakfast before his second period began when Louis approached him, with Valentina with him. He had kept her for the last weekend.

“Hey,” Louis said, sitting next to Zayn. Zayn said hello back.

“So, today’s our last day as parents. How does it feel?” Louis asked, taking a bite off Zayn’s bun.

Zayn shrugged, “I’m not sure. It’ll be weird not having the doll around all the time, I think.”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed. “But, you know, holidays are finally coming so we’ll have time to have fun. The guys and I have been planning some things, in fact, if you want to join us.”

“Like what?” Zayn asked, giving Louis the rest of the bun. The blue-eyed boy accepted it.

“Well, besides my birthday, we’re not really sure. But for Thursday, we are planning on going somewhere and listen to music, have some drinks and chill.”

Zayn looked at Louis as if he were crazy, “Thursday’s school night.”

“Yeah, but no one ever goes to the last day of school before holidays, so why should we?”

Zayn didn’t have an answer to that, so he shrugged. Louis smiled.

“That’s why we’re planning on getting wasted and you totally have to come. It’ll be fun. We’ll celebrate our freedom.”

“Yeah, I don’t drink though,” Zayn said.

“Don’t be silly, it’s not required that you drink. Just come and chill with us.”

Zayn smiled at Louis, “I’ll think about it.”

****

In the end, Louis convinced Zayn of going to the holiday celebration with him and his friends just after they had done the baby presentation on Thursday.

At this point, Zayn didn’t know why he _tried_ if Louis would end up convincing him anyway.

Now he was in front of some lake with his friends, but also with Sophia, Perrie and Eleanor. He had told himself he’d only have one drink, but he was already on his sixth and it wasn’t even completely dark.

It was alright though, Liam was the designated driver and he’d stay at Louis’ house along with Niall and Zayn himself; Perrie and Sophia would stay at Eleanor’s, who’d also got her car there.

They sang, talked, played some games and the girls even got in the lake with Niall, Liam and Louis while Zayn watched. “I don’t think it’s a good idea that I get in there with you,” he’d explained. “I’m not really a swimmer and I’m a little dizzy.”

Louis had replied, “Sensible decision” and gave him a glass of water.

By 10, they were all going back to their houses or wherever they would stay for the night. Jay had called and got pretty upset when she realised most of them were drunk and would be driving.

Thankfully, nothing happened and they were all safe and sound the moment they stepped into Louis’ room and continued drinking and eating junk food.

Zayn had stopped though. He was already smashed.

“ _I don’t drink_ ,” Louis mocked Zayn, imitating his accent. “And look at him. He’s already out of it!”

Niall laughed, “Bro, I think he had like 19 drinks or something. He’s fast!”

“I’m not cleaning it,” Liam said then and they all laughed. He was drinking now all he avoided when they were at the lake.

Time passed and they continued talking. Zayn got up twice to go to the loo, hitting himself with Louis’ furniture and doors. He also got two calls from Trisha, his mum, who was worried he hadn’t called her at 8, like he said he would. Louis had taken the call and had calmed the woman, telling her Zayn was already asleep.

By 1 in the morning, they were all pretty much over and decided to go to bed. Niall would go to the guest’s room with Liam and Louis would stay in his room with Zayn, and since Zayn had fallen asleep on Louis’ bed, Louis took the mattress.

But Zayn woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom again. This time he did throw up.

 _I shouldn’t have had so many drinks_ , he thought while going back to his friend’s bed. Sitting there, because he was still a little dizzy. He looked around.

Louis was sleeping on a mattress on the floor and Zayn wanted to wake him up and tell him to get into his bed. He didn’t though. He got distracted watching Louis sleep.

He had already accepted he had a crush on Louis and he was managing his feelings as best as he could. But having his friend there, asleep, _probably dreaming of Harry_ , while he was drunk was too overwhelming for him, so he was crying in no time.

Because that was what he did when he was drunk, he cried and that was why he avoided alcohol as much as he could. He didn’t like crying.

He made his way to the backyard (he didn’t want Louis to wake up and see him like that) and sat on the grass. It was really cold outside, but he didn’t care. No one would find him there because of that.

He felt pathetic and ridiculous. He shouldn’t feel like this, he should’ve avoided Louis the moment he started liking him (even if he couldn’t really tell when it happened). He was supposed to be smarter than this; he knew Louis would never like him back.

Louis would never like him back, because he was in love with Harry and even if he wasn’t there now, _he might come back._

Louis would never like him back, because it was all over for him. He was no good for such a nice boy and he knew it.

He knew it, but that didn’t stop him from crying.

“Zayn?”

“Oh shit,” he half-cursed, half-sobbed and turned around.

And, of course, there was Louis. Looking at him with tired, but worried eyes. He was covering himself with a pink blanket.

“What are you doing here? It’s freezing!” He said, sitting next to Zayn and covering him with his own blanket.

Zayn didn’t answer. He was sure his voice would fail him, so he just shrugged.

“Why are you crying?” Louis asked.

Zayn couldn’t look at Louis’ face, so he faced the pool that was to their left. He breathed deep, “It’s just the alcohol. I get really sentimental when I drink.”

“Oh,” Louis said. And they stayed like that for a couple of minutes until Louis spoke again.

“Then you shouldn’t be alone, if you feel bad. Now, I can stay here with you for a little until you calm down, but we have to go back inside before we turn into a cube of ice.”

Zayn wanted to laugh, but he didn’t. He just nodded.

“Perfect,” Louis said, getting closer to Zayn and putting his left arm around the thinner boy. “Now lay your head on my shoulder. The twins always say it’s quite comfortable.”

And so Zayn did. He thought he was acting from the alcohol that was still on his system or maybe it was that Louis was warm. Whatever the reason was, Zayn put his head on Louis’ shoulder like he was told to and, in no time, his crying stopped.

He had fallen asleep.

Louis didn’t know why Zayn had been crying, but he couldn’t just leave him alone. Not when he could relate to him in some way. That was why he made his presence known. That was the reason why he had moved his friend, so his head could rest on his legs while he was on his way to also falling asleep.

****

_“I like you,” Zayn couldn’t believe his ears._

_There was Louis, in front of him, saying he liked_ him _, with his big blue eyes staring into his own._

_“I like you too,” Zayn whispered then and Louis smiled, putting his hands on his shoulders._

_He was getting closer, too close, and Zayn’s heart was beating fast, like it had never beaten before, until Zayn was sure it had stopped – the moment Louis locked his lips with Zayn’s._

_Is this a dream? He asked himself, while Louis was kissing him and he kissed him back._

_He couldn’t see Louis’ face, but he could feel him as he hugged him when the kiss stopped – and when his mouth got close to his ear and he said: “now you’re mine.”_

_But that hadn’t been Louis’ voice._

****

Zayn opened his eyes and sat up with a silent scream on his lips. He looked around and he was at Louis’ house’s backyard. With Louis, whom he had woken up from his movement.

“Hey, you ok?” Louis asked with a sleepy voice.

Zayn was breathing fast, like he had run a 30K marathon or something. And he realised it had been a nightmare. Much like the one he had the other day.

Difference was, when he woke up, he had Louis there with him – and this one didn’t change; just looked at him with worry, while trembling from the cold. This one was real.

“It’s nothing,” Zayn said. “Just a bad dream.”


	14. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH GOD, 15 kudos in just 2 weeks or so? I can't believe this! 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for the love! I'm glad you're enjoying this little story. Which is actually my baby and has helped me with a lot. 
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy it! 
> 
> SOOOOOO, TODAY IS THE DAY! Today we get The Truth. 
> 
> ... or part of it, at least. 
> 
> This is like the beginning of it all, when things started going absolutely wrong for one of our beloved characters. 
> 
> Now, it is important to notice that some things could upset some people so... 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS for:   
> \- kidnapping   
> \- violence (a lot of yelling, threats)   
> \- rape (though it is not explicit. That's not my style). 
> 
> So, without further ado, here we go:

_Manchester, 2009_

_The sky was grey like most days, but it was windier than ever, so the prospect of having to walk home made Zayn miserable._

_His car was at the mechanic’s and he had forgotten his pocket money in his room that morning, so he couldn’t take the bus that would leave him the closest to home._

_His dad was at work, and his mum was in London, working on something for the new collection, so he couldn’t ask them to pick him up._

_So he just sighed and accepted his fate and started making his way, thinking about how if Jade had gone to school that day, she would be with him then. But she had to go and eat that cake late at night just to get a stomachache in the morning, because obviously._

_Suddenly, a car stops next to him and he jumps, because it made an awful noise from the friction of the tires against the ground. Also because he wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings._

_“Zayn! Do you want a ride home?” It was his titular professor, Stephen, and Zayn sighed in relief._

_Zayn looked around and considered it. He honestly didn’t want to walk home, he was just so used to his own car that walking made him want to throw one of those tantrums he was famous for when he was a little boy._

_And also, even if going in the same car with your teacher was a little odd, he could trust Stephen._

_Professor Stephen was young and the coolest teacher around school. He had good jokes and he always gave his students a chance to do better. He definitely liked him, so he accepted his offer and got in the black 2004 car._

_“I thought you had a car,” Stephen said as soon as Zayn got in his._

_“I do, but it’s at the mechanic’s at the moment,” he said._

_Stephen hummed and started driving ahead again, only speaking to ask Zayn the direction to his house._

_Zayn pointed out the way to his professor and minutes later, they were approaching his house._

_“We’re close,” Zayn said, getting his backpack from the floor, where he had put it._

_“Yeah,” the blond teacher said while slowing down, only to accelerate again seconds later, driving in front of the big house and leaving it behind just as they had seen it._

_“You’ve just driven by my house, professor,” Zayn said, feeling his heart on his throat. He noticed something wasn’t right quickly, but he willed himself to keep calm._ This is professor Stephen we are talking about, he is a nice guy.

_“I know,” the older man said and turned to look at Zayn with a smile on his face._

_“Turn around,” Zayn said then. As calm as he could. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t stop asking himself what the hell was going on. He was so confused._

_But Professor Stephen didn’t turn around. In fact, he didn’t reply to Zayn’s request, he just kept driving as if no one had talked._

_“TURN AROUND!” Zayn screamed this time, but the young man didn’t even flinch. He just drove._

What is happening? _Zayn asked himself again, looking around and noticing they were quickly getting out of town. He tried opening the windows, but he couldn’t do it and he had the suspicion his professor had put the car’s child lock on._

Calm down _, he thought._ Nothing’s going to happen, calm down _. But he somehow knew he was lying to himself._

_Around forty or so minutes later, they were somewhere Zayn couldn’t recognise. But it was definitely out of the city of Manchester. There was nothing and no one around. They weren’t even in the main road; his professor had taken another way some minutes ago._

_Zayn was heavy breathing and picking at his hands the moment Stephen had stopped the car and he suddenly realised this man next to him wasn’t his professor anymore, so he just asked: “What are you going to do to me?”_

_Stephen smiled again. “Nothing you don’t want to,” he said._

_Somehow, Zayn knew that was a lie, but he just had to try his luck._

_“I don’t want to be here. I want you to take me home,” he said. His eyes were starting to water, his heart was still pounding on his chest and he was starting to sweat even if the car was really cold from the air conditioning._

_“Oh, really?” Stephen said in a mocking tone and took Zayn by the collar of his uniform shirt and got as close as he could to the 16-year-old boy’s right ear._

_“Well, if you want to ever go back home, you have to do as I say. Now, go to the backseat and start undressing.”_

_“What?” Zayn asked. He was sure his blood went cold the moment he heard the word ‘undressing.’_

_“DO AS I SAY!” Stephen yelled at him and Zayn’s body started to shiver. He was shaking his head._

_“Please, no –,”_

_“Zayn, what did I  just say?”_

_Zayn couldn’t answer that question. He felt his throat was closing and just shook his head. Tears were falling freely down his cheeks now._

_“I said if you_ ever _want to go back home, you have to do everything I say… and if I say you have to undress, YOU FUCKING UNDRESS._ NOW _.”_

_Zayn didn’t reply and just obeyed; he put his seat down and went to the backseat, now thinking about how he should’ve just said no and walked to his house. This wouldn’t be happening if he just had walked._

_He took his time and by the moment he was in his underwear only, it was already raining and big drops of water were hitting the car’s windows._

_“Ready?” Stephen asked looking at him from the driver’s seat and smiled again when he saw him. “Well, when I said you had to undress, I was talking about underwear too, but no matter. I can do that myself.”_

_Zayn hiccupped at those words and closed his eyes, putting his arms around himself. He felt another body next to him seconds later and suddenly time started going incredibly fast and slow simultaneously._

_Two unknown hands were roaming over his body, his eyes were closed and his heart was pounding and he was sure he was going to have an attack just there._

_He couldn’t think, he just felt drops of sweat running down his neck and back while the second body was invading his space and he couldn’t breathe either._

_He wasn’t sure if he was saying “please, no” and “don’t” out loud or if it was just in his mind and he wasn’t sure if he screamed or just bit his lip as hard as he could when he felt something in a place nothing has ever been in before._

_And he was confused. So confused._

_*_

_His eyes were red and his body hurt all over. Everything around him was completely cold and he was alone in the car._

_Stephen was out having a smoke._

_He wasn’t sure what had happened. His mind had completely shut down and he was just breathing. Had it been just a nightmare or did it actually happen? He wasn’t certain._

_The only thing he was certain of was that his body hurt, his eyes were heavy and he had a headache coming up._

_“Boy, you need to get dressed and leave,” Stephen said and Zayn looked at him. The blond man was in front of the steering-wheel._

_When had he gotten there?_

_“Come on, put your clothes on and leave,” the man said._

_So Zayn did as he was told, sat up and, closing his eyes at the uncomfortable feeling on his bottom, started getting dressed as fast as possible._

_When he was ready, he just opened the door and hopped off the car, which, after he had closed the door behind him, moved and left. And it left him wondering if everything had truly been some kind of hallucination._

_But it hadn’t been. His body told him it had all been real when he started walking. And he got more and more convinced during the hour long walk under the rain that was starting to die down._

_When he got home, Zayn just made his way to his bedroom and got into his bed without changing or taking his shoes off. He had locked his door before that, of course. He didn’t want any of his sisters annoying him._

_And sometime when the sun started going down and he heard his youngest sister’s voice in the distance greeting their father, did he allow himself to finally do what he’d been wanting to do since Stephen’s car had left him at the city’s entrance…_

_He allowed himself to cry._

_And he cried all night long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby :(


	15. Ice creams in December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About sadness, trying to move on, ice cream even though it's December and difficult conversations...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hiding my face* I'm SO SO SO SO SORRY it's taken me this long. Omg. Three months, I think. But so many things happened, starting with my laptop not working properly. I had to get it repaired and I lost LOADS of things. Thankfully, I had this story saved somewhere else, because had I not, it would've been the end. 
> 
> Apart from that, I've been pretty busy with work, so I couldn't get to this as soon as I got my laptop back. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm back and the story continues. :D 
> 
> This is for everyone who's still around (hopefully someone is, omg), as a thank you for your patience and as a celebration for the ICARUS FALLS release! 
> 
> Can't stop listening to all 27 songs! Which one is your favourite? :)

Louis had taken Zayn to his room again. After waking up from Zayn’s movements, he noticed to his complete surprise that they had fallen asleep in the garden and that they both were completely freezing.

Zayn was shivering all over and so was he and, if they didn’t go inside as soon as possible, they’d both have a cold in the morning – if nothing worse.

Louis put Zayn on his bed again and, of course, the olive-skinned boy had complained, but Louis paid no mind to that. He couldn’t leave his friend sleep on a mattress when he had had such a rough night, so he just tucked him in and caressed his hair until he was asleep once more.

And the scene suddenly reminded him of all those times he had done the same to Harry, whenever the younger boy stayed over for a movie night or something.

His throat started to close, but he just closed his eyes and swallowed. He wouldn’t cry.

But he did allow himself to look at Zayn for who he was and not who he wished he had next to himself in that moment.

Zayn was a good boy and he was so nice and lucky. He had everything one could have to be, at least, comfortable and his mother loved him so much. He could see that from a big distance, so he asked himself what in the world could have this gorgeous boy crying like that.

He knew damn well money couldn’t buy happiness, of course. He was wealthy enough to live comfortably and have even more than necessary too, but he just had to wonder.

Because even if Zayn had said alcohol made him emotional, there had to be something to think about for alcohol to be blamed. You simply don’t cry for any reason, there is always a reason even if you don’t know it.

But he also knew damn well that sometimes you don’t want to talk about it, so if Zayn didn’t want to tell him, he wouldn’t press for answers.

“You deserve to be happy, Zayn. I’m sure of that,” Louis said to the sleeping boy seconds after and fell asleep next to him a while later, not giving a thought that he, too, deserved that same happiness.

****

Hours later, Louis woke up again, face looking at his bedside table where he had a picture of Harry he had taken on summer vacations one year ago.

Everything had been so good back then that he couldn’t help but smile while remembering the day that picture had been taken.

They had gone to Paris together for the summer and, that day, they had decided to go to Disneyland and so that was why Harry had these Mickey Mouse ears on his head while, behind him, was the Disney castle.

It had been an amazing day full of laughter and kisses here and there and it had been so good he couldn’t even get sad from the memories.

“Good morning,” he said in a low voice to the photograph so he wouldn’t wake Zayn and got up to make his way to the loo.

Some minutes later, Louis got out of the bathroom and went downstairs, where he heard some noise coming from the playroom, so he walked there and when he stepped in, he found Liam and Niall having breakfast while watching the telly.

“What are you doing up? What time is it?” Louis asked and his friends turned their heads to look at him while biting and swallowing their food.

“Mate, it’s after eleven. We had to wake up and had breakfast sometime, don’t you think?” Liam said, putting a piece of pancake in his mouth.

“Is it really that late?” Louis asked, looking for the clock on the wall.

“Yes, but I guess you stayed up until late with Zayn.” Liam said again, Niall was paying more attention to the television than to his friends’ exchange.

“What are you implying?” Louis asked, frowning.

“I’m implying nothing, you boy. I’m just saying you must have stayed up late since you’re up at eleven and Zayn’s still sleeping _even_ when he was out before midnight. Guess he woke up in the middle of the night, am I right?”

Louis was surprised at Liam’s reasoning. He always thought he was a bit of an idiot, even if he always tried his best not to look like it. Only Niall and Louis himself knew the truth.

“Whatever. We did none of the things you must be thinking about.”

Liam moved his eyebrows upright, “I said I wasn’t implying anything.”

Louis just hummed and sat next to Niall and stole a bit of his pancakes.

“What the fuck are you doing, Louis?” Niall complained, taking his plate away from Louis.

“You know, Zayn does let me eat from his own food. I can’t believe this boy I barely know is already better than my long-time friends.”

Niall snorted, “Then steal Zayn’s food when he’s up, but don’t touch mine!”

Louis just shook his head and stole a little more from Niall’s food when he was distracted from the show he was watching.

*

Zayn was waking up a little over twenty minutes after Louis did and he immediately noticed he had slept on the blue-eyed boy’s bed again. He sighed. He didn’t like that, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he just turned over and took the pillow that was next to him and hugged it while looking around Louis’ room.

He was alone. Louis was probably with his friends or maybe with his family, having breakfast or something. He would get up and go downstairs if he didn’t feel ashamed for crying last night. He was rarely hungry, but he could eat if he had to.

Suddenly, he spotted the picture of Harry on the bedside table at the right side of the bed and he frowned.

He shouldn’t be this jealous of a boy he didn’t even know, but he couldn’t help it. Louis liked _him_ and even if the boy had left, Louis still liked him. He knew he’d never have something like that, so it made him upset.

“Harry hasn’t done anything to you, get over it,” Zayn said to himself and got up from the bed. He wanted to go home now.

“Hey, you’re up,” Louis said the moment Zayn opened the door.

He had been thinking about going to the bathroom and then calling his mum so she could pick him up before going to say goodbye to Louis and his friends, but he suddenly found his plan difficult to fulfill the moment he looked at Louis’ eyes.

“Morning,” Zayn said and smiled. Louis looked radiant.

“Afternoon, it’s more like it, but it doesn’t matter,” Louis said with a laugh in his voice. “I was going to wake you up to ask you if you wanted to go get an ice cream or something.”

“Ice cream? It’s December, it’s freezing.”

“Who cares? That only makes it taste better, so what do you say?” Louis asks. 

“I guess I could go,” Zayn said. “Are we going with the boys?”

“Nah, they’ve just left. Something about being tired or whatever. I’m taking the twins. Not a problem, is it?”

Zayn smiled again, “Not at all.”

And so they left half an hour later.

Zayn had borrowed some of Louis’ clothes, which they somehow fit him perfectly, and had also called his mum to tell her the plan. “I’ll be home later. Love you,” he’d said.

The twins were happy. They had annoyed Louis since the moment they saw he was up, telling him they wanted ice cream and that they wanted it _now_ and since Louis had a soft spot for his sisters, he had to get them what they wanted.

They were also happy, because Zayn was there. They liked Zayn and they made it their mission to let him know it every possible way.

Daisy, for example, kept telling him he was so pretty and that she had never seen a boy so pretty, not even Danny Watson, the 6th grade boy all the older girls at school liked. “Not even Justin Bieber is as pretty as you,” Daisy concluded.

Phoebe, on the other hand, kept telling Zayn jokes. Jokes he couldn’t understand, but he laughed at them nonetheless.

Louis was happy his sisters were comfortable around Zayn. They looked extrovert, but they really weren’t and they only felt comfortable around his friends, because they grew up seeing them.

But, for example, the first time they saw Harry a little over 2 years ago, they were really shy around him until they got used to seeing him at home basically all the time. Harry made it a little easy too, because he was easy to love. He was just so nice and sweet.

But somehow, with Zayn it had been almost since the moment they set their eyes on him. He liked that.

“Which flavour do you like?” Phoebe asked, “I’m going for chocolate, because chocolate is the best flavour.”

“I think I’ll have chocolate too,” Zayn said getting his wallet. “Which flavour do you want, Daisy? Louis?”

Daisy immediately picked strawberry and Louis started saying he wouldn’t let Zayn pay, but Zayn did nonetheless and got Louis a caramel cone, because he didn’t pick himself.

“How did you know I like caramel?” Louis asked the moment Zayn handed him his ice cream.

“I didn’t,” Zayn said. “I just guessed.”

Louis looked at him suspiciously, but smiled almost immediately and thanked him.

Zayn smiled, too and Louis decided just then to make it his mission to have Zayn smiling all the time. He didn’t want to see tears on his face ever again.

****

After eating their ice creams, they all stood up and took the girls to a little park that was close to the ice cream parlour they had been in. While the girls were playing and running around with a red head girl that was from their class, they sat on a bench where they had a good view to whatever they were doing.

“So, what are your plans for these holidays?” Louis asked Zayn and the boy just shrugged in response.

“I don’t know. I think my sisters and my father are coming to London, don’t know when though. So I’ll just probably stay at home most of the time.”

“Oh, but I did tell you you could join the boys and me in our plans, right? Like, you already know you’re invited to my birthday, but if we go out or something, you can totally come.”

Zayn blushed and nodded, “yeah, I think I can do that if I have nothing better to do.”

Louis laughed at Zayn’s words, but didn’t say anything else.

They stayed in silence for a little while, just watching the girls and the other kids running around, Zayn felt comfortable and almost happy. Louis somehow made him feel his happiest even when his life was a mess at the moment.

He still had trouble sleeping, he still cried from time to time, he sometimes forced himself to eat so his mum wouldn’t get worried, but when he was with Louis it was like his life was back to how it had been before September 2009. Or even better.

“I used to come to this park with Harry all the time,” Louis suddenly said.

Zayn’s train of thoughts suddenly halted and he turned to look at Louis. He swallowed hard.

“Yeah?” He asked, trying to keep a poker face.

“Yeah,” Louis smiled. “We would sometimes come alone after school and just talk, but mostly it was because the girls liked coming to play and he liked coming with us.”

“Oh,” Zayn smiled, but didn’t say anything else.

Louis wanted to tell Zayn the truth just then. Just come clean and tell him that Harry hadn’t in fact _just left_. He now could see the point in Niall’s words… As if Harry would’ve _just left_. That was an insult to Harry and his memory, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Maybe because he still wanted to pretend, even if for a little longer.

“Have you ever felt something like that? You know, have you ever loved someone so much you can’t just let it go when it’s all over?” Louis asked then and Zayn looked at his blue eyes and shook his head.

“Not exactly,” he said. “I’ve only liked this one girl in Manchester. She used to study with me back in my second year of high school. I was like 13, but it wasn’t anything serious. It was just a little crush.”

It was Louis’ turn to say “oh”.

“But…” Zayn continued and Louis gave him all his attention again. “But I know what’s like not being able to let something go.”

Zayn didn’t say anything else after that and Louis understood why. He didn’t want to talk about that something and he had the feeling that something was what had the younger boy crying last night.

After that, the conversation died. Zayn and Louis didn’t say anything else and just watched the girls running and laughing.

Louis couldn’t stop thinking about the something Zayn had talked about and Harry, and love. If whatever Zayn couldn’t let go wasn’t a someone, then what was it? For him it was obvious, he had loved Harry (and he didn’t use the word _love_ lightly) and now that he was gone, he was still hurting.

But for Zayn? Maybe he had lost a loved one too, not necessarily a partner, Louis reasoned. He couldn’t think of anything else.

He also thought of how Harry would feel if he could see him and Zayn doing the same things they used to do.

 _He’d like Zayn_ , he concluded. _Zayn is cool_.

At around 5, Louis and Zayn decided it was time to go. They didn’t talk much after the conversation they had, and just said some things here and there. Louis talked a little about his trip to Spain when he was 12 and Zayn talked a little about his horses in Manchester and how he used to ride them with his friend Jade.

Light topics.

Louis took Zayn to his house, of course, and the twins didn’t want to say goodbye, but had to. Zayn promised he’d see them again soon, because he’d be attending Louis’ birthday. The girls were ecstatic.

After he had closed the door behind himself, he thought the most sensible decision he could make was forgetting about his stupid crush on Louis.

He didn’t stand a chance against Harry.


End file.
